Signs We Are Getting Old

• Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.


• Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.


• You keep more food than beer in the fridge.


• 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.


• You hear your favorite song on an elevator.


• You watch the Weather Channel.


• Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.


• You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.


• Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."


• You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.


• Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.


• You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.


• Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.


• You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.


• Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.


• You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.


• Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.


• Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.


• You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.


• A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."


• You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.


• "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."


• You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.