Signs That You Drink Too Much Coffee #jokes #funny #humor

• You answer the door before people knock.


• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.


• You ski uphill.


• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.


• You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.


• You lick your coffeepot clean.


• You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.


• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.


• You chew on other people's fingernails.


• Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."


• You can type sixty words per minute ... With your feet.


• You can jump-start your car without cables.


• Cocaine is a downer.


• You don't need a hammer to pound nails.


• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."


• You don't sweat, you percolate.


• You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.


• You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.


• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.


• You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.


• You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.


• Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.


• You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.


• People get dizzy just watching you.


• You've worn the finish off your coffee table.


• The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.


• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.


• Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.


• Instant coffee takes too long.


• When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."


• You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. - Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.


• You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.


• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.


• You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.


• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.


• You short out motion detectors.


• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.


• Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.


• You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.


• You don't tan, you roast.


• You can't even remember your second cup.


• You help your dog chase its tail.