Saturday, August 28, 2010

Man's Pearls of Wisdom

  1. When I was born, I was given a choice -- a big dick or a good memory. I don't remember which one I chose.
  2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
  3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
  4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
  5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -- 'don't' and 'stop;' -- unless, of course, they are used together.
  6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but NEXT TO the best thing on earth.
  7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: TriWeekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.
  8. Virginity can be cured. And I have its cure with me!
  9. Virginity is not dignity, it's a lack of opportunity.
  10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
  11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small for me.
  12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
  13. What's an Australian kiss? The same thing as a French kiss, only given 'down under.'
  14. A couple who had just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole and she was happy with the thing......
  15. What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life? Life sucks, job sucks, the wife doesn't.
  16. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
  17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed,' many married men still sleep with their wives!!

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