Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Alternative Ways To Say No [blog]

  • I'd rather have my nipples chewed a pack of wild dogs.

  • I'd rather suck the snot out of a gorilla's nose...until the back of his head caves in!

  • I would rather crush my foreskin between two tables while being bitch whipped by a fat, mustached geek named Spyros.

  • I'd rather drink a gallon of turpentine...and piss on a forest fire.

  • I'd rather suck cow snot...through a straw.

  • I'd rather watch Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne mud wrestle... in the nude.

  • I'd rather bungee jump...with the harness tied to my penis...with your mom lying naked in the landing zone.

  • I would rather spend ten hours getting a tattoo on my back...and then find out it's the wrong one.

  • I'd rather have the ten strongest 300 pound linemen in the NFL play tug of war with my nut sack....each side of 5 pulling a separate nut in a different direction.

  • I would rather have my lower legs stripped with a wood planer...and then wear wool August.

  • I'd rather stick my nose up someone's ass...after he just finished taking a shit.

  • I'd rather shave my poison-ivy covered legs ... with a dull barber's razor...and no water or soap.

  • I'd rather french kiss a barracuda.

  • I'd rather butt fuck a rattlesnake... in a phone booth.

  • I'd rather nail my dick to the middle of a 2x4 and set both ends on fire...and try to get loose with a butter knife.

  • I would rather have sex with Pee Wee Herman in the daylight, without a bag to put over his head.

  • I'd rather drink for a week from the septic tank...of the 700 pound man next door.

  • I'd rather wipe my anus with barbed wire.

  • I'd rather insert and break a slender glass rod in my penis... then tie it in a knot.

  • I'd rather lick an elephant's asshole...after he had just dropped a load of steaming diarrhea.

  • I'd rather run naked through a rosebush garden...then jump into a pool filled with chlorine.

  • l would rather lie under an elephant with August...with my mouth propped open.

  • I'd rather ride a donkey naked through the desert...with snapping turtles attached to my nipples.

  • I'd rather be tied to a chair...and forced to listen to Barry Manilow tunes..while having my tonsils removed with a rusty spoon.

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