Southern Drawl Words Translated [blog]

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or y'allbonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools.

The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary:

1. HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.

2. HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage "Heidi, Hire yew?"

3. BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow. "Usage "My brother bard my pickup truck."

4. JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

5. BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

6. MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

7. THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

8. BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

9. IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

10. RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

11. ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

12. FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

13. TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

14. TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

15. RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage "My grampaw retard at age 65."

16. FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

17. RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

18. CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage "Just set that bare rat cheer."

19. FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

20. DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage "He's did, Jim."

21. ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen. Usage "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"

22. BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

23. JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

24. HAZE - a contraction. Usage "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

25. SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".

26. VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

27. GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."