Politically Correct Terms For Males [blog]

1. He does not have a beer gut; He develops a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not quiet; He is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

3. He does not have a fabulous rear end; He has achieved BUTTOCKS PERFECTION.

4. He is not stupid; He suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

5. He does not get lost all the time; He discovers ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

6. He is not balding; He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

7. You do not buy him a drink; You initiate an ALCOHOL-FOR-CONVERSATION EXCHANGE.

8. He does not fart and belch; He is GASTRONOMICALLY EXPRESSIVE.

9. His jeans are not too tight; He is ANATOMICALLY UNDERCIRCULATED.

10. He is not a redneck; He is a GENETICALLY-RELATED AMERICAN.

11. You do not kiss him; you become FACIALLY CONJOINED.

12. He is not a cradle robber; He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

13. He does not get falling-down drunk; He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

14. He does not act like a total ass; He develops A CASE OF RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

15. He is not shortHe is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.

16. He does not have a rich daddy; He is a RECIPIENT OF PARENTAL ASSET INFUSION.

17. He does not constantly talk about cars; He has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.

18. He does not have a hot body; He is PHYSICALLY COMBUSTIBLE.

19. He is not unsophisticated; He is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.

20. He does not eat like a pig; He suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.

21. He does not hog the blankets; He is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.

22. He is not a sex machine; he is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.

23. He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.

24. You do not undress him with your eyes; You have AN INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENT.

25. He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.