Redneck Crossdresser [blog]

1. You go to family reunions to meet guys.

2. You wear a dress that's strapless and a bra that ain't.

3. You wear combat boots with a minidress.

4. You wear jeans with a belt buckle that's bigger than your fist.

5. You have a Ford F150 pick-up truck, with a gun rack, a Dale Earnhardt license plate frame, and a Confederate flag on the tailgate, next to the bumper sticker that says "I sell Avon Skin-So-Soft."

6. You try to wax your legs with Turtle Wax.

7. You braid the hair that sticks through your fishnet stockings.

8. You wear a black John Deere baseball cap with pearls.

9. You use glitter to highlight your mustache.

10. You wear tube tops with your mini, because it shows off your Harley-Davidson tattoo.

11. Your favorite band ring came off a cigar.

12. You keep spare ammo in your bra.

13. You get a run in your stockings while changing a tire on your motorhome.

14. Your purse is a toolbox.

15. You pluck your eyebrows with a pair of needle- nosed pliers.

16. You store your lipsticks in a socket-wrench box.

17. You use duct tape to keep your "tuck" in place.

18. You call your vanity "your work bench."

19. You use a pocketknife to sharpen your lip and eye liners.

20. "Doing your nails" means sorting the ten- pennies from the sixteen-pennies.

21. Your favorite leather skirt was made from the moose you shot last Fall.

22. Your new sandals are made from truck tire re-treads you found on the road.

23. You keep a spare lipstick in your toolbox.

24. You wear a pair of C-clamps as screw-on earrings.

25. Your best silver necklace is made from beer can pull-tabs.

26. Your nail enamel is made by Rustoleum.

27. You use paint thinner to remove your makeup.

28. Your moisturizer says "non-detergent SAE 10W30" on the container.

29. You remove your leg hair with duct tape.