Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.
-- Shelley Winters
When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.
-- Burt Reynolds
Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.
-- Gloria Steinem
Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
-- Carrie Snow
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
-- Mickey Rooney
Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
-- Woody Allen (Hollywood Ending, 2002)
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
-- Helen Rowland
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
-- Roseanne Barr
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner