Sexual One-liners

A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

Q: How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
A: By sticking your finger in his honey.

Q: What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
A: S&M&M.

Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q: Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
A: He was half nuts!!!

Q: What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A: Collecting her thoughts

Q: What do women and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both squirm when you eat them.

Q: What's 69 and 69?
A: Dinner for four.

Q: What's worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?
A: Being fingered by Captain Hook.

Q: What's the difference between Like and Love?
A: Spit and Swallow.

Q: Why do female paratroopers wear jockstraps?
A: So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q: How can you tell a macho woman?
A: She rolls her own tampons.

Q: How do you recycle a used tampon?
A: As a tea-bag for vampires.

Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes

Q: What's better than a rose on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ

Q: What are the three greatest lies?
A: a) the check is in the mail b) small is beautiful c) I won't come in your mouth

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?
A: When you open her legs the lights go on

Q: What kind of bees give milk?
A: Boo bees.

Q: Hear about the bargain hunter who got his vasectomy at Sears?
A: Every time he gets a hard-on, the garage door goes up.

Q: What's hard and straight going in, soft and sticky coming out?
A: Chewing gum.

Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.

Q: What is the area between the vagina and the anus called?
A: A chin rest.

Q: What do you call a female midget who's nice and gives head?
A: Short, sweet, and to the point!

Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
A: An armadildo.

Q: What do Lifesavers do that a man can't?
A: Come in eight flavors.

Q: Do you know why it's called sex?
A: Because it's easier to spell than... "Uhhhhh..oooohh...Ahhhhhh....AIIEEEEEEE!!!"

Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A tea bag.

Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?
A: Divorce proceedings, most likely.