Signs That You Might Need a New Lawyer

• During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.

• Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

• He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

• He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

• Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

• Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

• The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."

• Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

• He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

• Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.

• Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.

• Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"

• Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.

• You met him in prison.

• He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.

• When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high- five each other.

• He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

• He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

• A prison guard is shaving your head.