Saturday, April 30, 2011

Fooling Around

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to Try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified to look at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"

Butterfly Tattoo

There' s got to be a Mama proud of her daughter somewhere !
Look Closely at the Butterfly Wings

Eric Bogle - The Band Played Waltzing Matilda

The Australian population at the beginning of WW1 was just under 5 million people.

Australia lost more troops, per population, than any other country that fought in WW1.

Eric Bogle was born in Scotland, but came to Australia, with his family, when he was a 12 yr old.

He fell in love with Australia and it's history, especially the WW1 history.

He wrote this song in memory of those that fought and died at Gallipoli, Turkey.

At the setting of the sun and in the morning, we shall remember them.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon - Trailer

The Royal Wedding Pizza

Kate's veil is made from mushrooms and her dress is made of cheese.

William's suit is fashioned from salami and peppers.

Andrew Varga, Papa John's chief marketing officer, says, "it tastes as good as it looks ".

Friday, April 29, 2011

A Test for 'Old' Kids

  1. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.

  2. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. .In early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.

  3. 'Get your kicks, __________________.'

  4. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to ___________________.'

  5. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.'

  6. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'

  7. Nestle's makes the very best . .. . . _________ ______.'

  8. Satchmo was America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

  9. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.

  10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________..

  11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.

  12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ &_______________.

  13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to ___________________.

  14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

  15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the __ ______________.

ANSWERS: Don't peek until you've tried them all.

  1. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
  2. The Ed Sullivan Show
  3. On Route 66
  4. To protect the innocent.
  5. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
  6. The limbo
  7. Chocolate
  8. .Louis Armstrong
  9. The Timex watch
  10. Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
  11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
  12. Beetle or Bug
  13. Buddy Holly
  14. Sputnik
  15. Hoola-hoop

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Why men can't play football with women

Rabbit Hunting

Paddy decides to go rabbit hunting , but when he gets to his favorite field he sees the village priest is already there.

Paddy watches with fascination as the priest holds his finger over a rabbit hole and immediately a rabbit pops out.

The priest grabs it and puts it into a sack. He repeats this unusual but very successful technique until his sack is full of rabbits.

Paddy stops the priest and asks him how he does it.

"Easy,"says the priest."Put your finger on your wife's pussy and then hold it over a rabbit hole.They can't resist the smell, so when they come out,grab them."

Paddy rushes home to find Maureen bent over scrubbing the floor.He lifts up her skirt and applies his finger as directed.

Without looking up, Maureen giggles, "Holy Moses, Father! Rabbit hunting again?""

Renewable Energy From the Deep Ocean

Something Wrong

Bad Taste Bears 4

But them here

Monday, April 18, 2011

Texas Rules of Ettiquette!

  1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

  2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

  3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

  4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

  5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

  6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

  7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves (or deer) are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand.

  8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

  9. 'Opener' refers to the first Saturday in September, dove season starts, or the first Saturday in November, first day of deer season.

  10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

  11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

  12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

  13. If you bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. If you bring 'Mary Jane' in, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

  14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

  15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

  16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!