Monday, September 26, 2011

The Facebook Bra

Proposed Facebook Buttons

Little Johnny

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"

"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.

"Good, Jane." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven.

"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".

The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"

"Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Pooch Park Powered by Poop


Dogs are great--until their poop gets all over your new shoes. Even when dog owners responsibly dispose of dog waste, the excrement continues to generate methane, a potent greenhouse gas. That's where the Park Spark project, billed as the first public methane digestor for dogs, comes in.


Unveiled this week in a Cambridge, Massachusetts, dog park, the project consists of a digester that creates burnable methane gas, which in turn powers a lamppost on site. All dog owners have to do is deposit their waste (placed in specially designed biodegradable doggie bags) into a feeding tube, turn a hand crank, and voila: Energy is available to juice up the lamp.

Eventually, the Park Spark team hopes to extend the project to power other objects in the community--shadow projection boxes, tea houses, or even popcorn stands (poop corn?). The digester will never generate enough energy to power, say, a whole block of streetlights, but that's not the point. If Park Spark can demonstrate to community members that waste is a precious resource, it will have fulfilled its goal.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Geography of a Women

  • Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa - half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

  • Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe - well-developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value.

  • Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain - very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.

  • Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece & gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

  • Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past..

  • Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel - has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.

  • Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada - cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

  • After 70, she becomes Tibet - wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Labor Day 3









Sunday, September 4, 2011

18 Funny Universal Laws

  1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

  2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

  3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

  4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

  5. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

  6. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

  7. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

  8. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

  9. Law of Bio-mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

  10. Law of the Theater or sports Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

  11. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

  12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

  13. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

  14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

  15. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

  16. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

  17. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

  18. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

X-Men Family Tree


Men at Work












Labor Day 2












Should I really join Facebook?


Sent by an over 50 yr. old...................!

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.

Old Alphabet vs New



At least A is still Apple!!!!


You Know You're a Nurse When...

  • you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom

  • you occasionally park in the space marked 'Physicians Only' (and knock over the sign!)

  • you recognize that you can't cure stupid.

  • you have at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.

  • you believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.

  • you believe that saying 'it can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can.

  • you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.

  • eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

  • you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.

  • discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.

  • you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say 'I'm afraid of shots.'

  • you've ever placed a bet on someone's blood-alcohol level.

  • you've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.

  • you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.

  • you believe that not all patients are annoying....some are unconscious.

  • your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

  • you advocate aerial spraying of Prozac.

  • you believe that unspeakable evils should befall anyone who utters the phrase -- "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?"

  • you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say -- "I have no idea how that got stuck up there."


Good Chocolate over Bad Sex