Why Sheep Are Better Than...

• You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear.

• Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather.

• Cotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease.

• Nuttin' beats mutton!

• Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel.

• Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you they have to be home early.

• Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down.

• Sheep never ask about your former lovers, and then get pissed off when you tell them.

• No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe.

• Sheep are never concerned about their reputation.

• Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up.

• Sheep won't ask if you're gay when you can't get it up for the second time.

• Sheep never insist on eating out.

• You'll never catch your sheep masturbating to a picture of Brad Pitt.

• Sheep don't get suspicious if you have to work late.

• Sheep don't smell like tuna fish.

• Sheep don't get moody once a month.

• You can eat a lamb chop without getting wool stuck in your teeth.

• A sheep doesn't expect you to support her for the rest of her life after one roll in the hay.

• A sheep never wears curlers and a mud pack to bed.

• A sheep doesn't stop screwing after the honeymoon.

• A sheep won't get drunk and throw up in your car.

• A sheep won't think that a weekend stay-over entitles her to rearrange your furniture and put up new curtains.

• A sheep won't expect you to pay...and pay...and pay...and pay.

• A sheep will never complain about the spittoon in your pickup.

• A sheep will never throw out your old copies of Playboy.

• A sheep won't care if you keep your fish bait in the refrigerator.

• Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth

• A sheep will never sue you for palimony.

• A sheep won't care if you screw her sister.

• A sheep won't care if your secretary is better looking than she is.

• A sheep will never tell you the ceiling needs to be painted while you're screwing.

• Sheep never have a headache.

• A sheep won't use your razor to shave its legs, or your pocketknife to open a paint can.

• A sheep won't leave wet nylons hanging all over the bathroom.

• A sheep will never ask you to stop on the way home from work and pick up a box of tampons.