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Friday, March 9, 2012

Aussie Insults

  • He had a head on him like a sucked mango.

  • May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.

  • He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock.

  • So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!

  • Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.

  • Pull your lip over your head and swallow!

  • As ugly as a hat full of arseholes.

  • If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards.

  • Got a face like a bashed in shit can.

  • Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground.

  • Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse.

  • Couldn't organise a f**k in a brothel with a fist full of fifties.

  • About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse- kicking competition.

  • I'll kick your! bum till your nose bleeds!

  • A stubbie short of a six pack." "Seen better heads in a piss trough.

  • You're as handy as shit on a stick." "Tighter than a fish's arse.

  • So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him.

  • Face like a smashed crab.

  • As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

  • He could talk a dog off a meatwagon.

  • F**ked in the head.

  • You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie.

  • He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door.

  • Mate, she's as rough as a pigs breakfast.

  • Your face is like a twisted ugg boot.

  • He's got a face like a cat licking shit off a thistle.

  • She's been hit with the ugly stick too many times.

  • She's two pick handles wide.

  • An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag.

  • As ugly as a bag of spanners.

  • You've got a head like a dropped pie.

  • He thinks his shit don't stink, but his farts give him away.

  • I wish his dad had settled for a blow job.

  • Fell out of the ugly ! tree, and hit every branch on the way down.

  • Your the load your mother should have swallowed

  • If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it.

  • Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck chairs.

  • As thick as two short planks!

  • You got a head like a busted watermelon

  • I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders.

  • Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!

  • About as useful as tits on a bull.

  • You must be the world's only living brain donor.

  • He's a few wanks short of an orgasm.

  • She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

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