What Advertisements Really Mean

• NEW - Different color from previous design.

• ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

• EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

• UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

• FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

• ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

• IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

• FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

• REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

• DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

• YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

• BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

• MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

• MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

• SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.

• HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

• NON-REFUNDABLE - We couldn't make it work long enough to ship it.

• FAT FREE - You pay for the food, but the fat is free.