Rules from Women for blokes

1. Foreplay does not mean 5 pints of lager, taking your kit off and putting your chips down.
   
   
2. Cellulite and stretch marks are very sexy, feminine things that should be worshipped.
   
   
3. During sex a woman may eat or read so that she, too, can gain some sort of pleasure.
   
   
4. Sex should not be rushed unless Eastenders/Corrie is about to start.
   
   
5. If a man says he'll phone, HE MUST DO SO OR BURN IN THE PUTRID FIERY HELL OF SATAN'S ARSE.