Friday, December 28, 2012

New Years Resolutions For Pets

  1. I will not eat other animals' poop.

  2. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

  3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

  4. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

  5. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

  6. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

  7. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

  8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

  9. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!

  10. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

  11. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

  12. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

  13. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
    January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

  14. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

  15. AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

  16. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND

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