SydesJokes: August 2012

Friday, August 31, 2012

Our love is as indestructable as a Nokia phone

Contributed by: @Digistar

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Monday, August 27, 2012

I've never said you are not good at what you do

A good laugh and a long sleep - Irish Proverb

First Man on the Moon - Neil Armstrong

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Empire Avenue Buy List - 23rd November 2012

BOOKMARK THIS PAGE AS IT WILL BE UPDATED!

Last updated 23rd November 2012. Previous update 21st November 2012

Below are currently people on the (e)SYDESJOKES "Buy List". I buy shares every day in these people, even if its only 1 share, until I have maxed out in them.

Check my EAv Buyers Tips blog as well.

Check my "Top 500 Empire Avenue Shareholders"

Also follow me on Twitter @SydesJokes

Check me on XeeMe
Check my social networks on XeeMe and click my links on the profile page as it helps my XeeMe score: http://xeeme.com/SydesJokes

(e)AATECH [53.8/200/200]
(e)ABHZ [77.14/200/200]
(e)ABUSSELL [99.75/200/200]
(e)AGUYINIT [143.94/310/310]
(e)ALL4SUCCESS [90.75/300/300]
(e)AMYJALAPENO [101.58/250/250]
(e)ANGRYKOALAGR [132.04/250/250]
(e)APRILYAU [37.47/200/200]
(e)ARCHIBALD [61.56/200/200]
(e)AUREATE [203.58/290/290]
(e)AXELS [191.96/300/300]
(e)AZMUSHKO [220.03/415/415]
(e)BABFARI [228.09/50/50]
(e)BACIOLI [84.74/200/200]
(e)BAKERVIN [41.79/200/200]
(e)BARCELONAMAN [126.26/200/200]
(e)BCOOL [45.17/200/200]
(e)BDA [63.87/200/200]
(e)BEHEALTHY [88.73/210/210]
(e)BEISEL [57.25/350/350]
(e)BELGERITH [78.57/250/250]
(e)BENNYHOWE [46.88/200/200]
(e)BERKESCH [88.82/200/200]
(e)BESHEV [45.19/200/200]
(e)BGCOM [78.49/300/300]
(e)BHURST [60.54/200/200]
(e)BIGRED [148.83/365/365]
(e)BIS [301.02/375/375]
(e)BIZHUB [58.03/200/200]
(e)BKLYND [96.21/200/200]
(e)BMILLER [45.53/200/200]
(e)BOGO [62.52/200/200]
(e)BOJANJAZIC [58.27/200/200]
(e)BRASHERSAA [114.81/200/200]
(e)BRAZILTURISM [122.82/200/200]
(e)BREXIANS [136.1/400/400]
(e)BRUJA [19.45/200/200]
(e)BUDDIKA [67.61/200/200]
(e)CEECEEGC [173.1/250/250]
(e)CHENSTA [50.6/200/200]
(e)CHOCOGEISHA [112.17/200/200]
(e)CHRISKELLEYM [22.23/200/200]
(e)CHRISMCCANN [75.43/250/250]
(e)CHRONICLER [81.49/200/200]
(e)CITIFARI [203.22/350/350]
(e)CITYCAR [78.43/200/200]
(e)CMAN2342 [56.81/300/300]
(e)COMBI31 [128.22/350/350]
(e)CORN [52.71/200/200]
(e)CRAU [155.26/250/250]
(e)CUIPER [151.59/412/412]
(e)DANHAIM [151.34/250/250]
(e)DECIBEL [112.29/200/200]
(e)DEEWEST [163.22/300/300]
(e)DIMTRIHUYS [46.66/300/300]
(e)DOLPHINS [128.33/400/400]
(e)DOUCEFRANCE [100.74/288/288]
(e)DREAMDAYWED [51.7/200/200]
(e)EBCOMM [79.59/250/250]
(e)ENRIKKE [44.48/300/300]
(e)ERINBOYKIN [131.87/400/400]
(e)ERNIEJACKO [104.12/200/200]
(e)ETD [174.53/280/280]
(e)FITNWELL [132.89/300/300]
(e)FROGGERR [62.4/200/200]
(e)FUBU [74.74/400/400]
(e)FXBGSCOTT [66/300/300]
(e)GMAURIELLO [179.75/310/310]
(e)GREGGARDINER [93.92/250/250]
(e)HAIRBOUTIQUE [274.59/250/250]
(e)HASMAN [73.22/250/250]
(e)HOTSHOT [40.56/250/250]
(e)IADVERTISE [89.5/200/200]
(e)IMHAPPY269 [77.72/200/200]
(e)INKEDGEEK [244.87/250/250]
(e)IPLAY [99.81/250/250]
(e)JENDUB [141.72/250/250]
(e)JESS1624 [123.4/200/200]
(e)JLEONARD [68.85/250/250]
(e)JLOWEEZY [262.49/39/39]
(e)JOHNWHEATON [48.42/300/300]
(e)JUFFEK [114.54/331/331]
(e)JUHLISELBY [58.45/150/150]
(e)KRATOM [158.62/330/330]
(e)LEBEP [176.84/460/460]
(e)LEONA2011 [113.02/210/210]
(e)LIBDRONE [179.83/250/250]
(e)LITTLEGREENB [131.54/200/200]
(e)LIZPULLEN [316.92/400/400]
(e)LUFC [122.04/350/350]
(e)MAGICWORDS [105.02/300/300]
(e)MAIWT [60.83/400/400]
(e)MARKNL [68.76/250/250]
(e)MBLT [142.61/401/401]
(e)MCCBLN [184.13/250/250]
(e)MDUTURBURE [61.46/250/250]
(e)MDZAHID [32.73/200/200]
(e)ME1ODY [220.48/315/315]
(e)MEALHA [451.29/250/250]
(e)MELLSWORTH [107.42/200/200]
(e)MIKUE [78.99/300/300]
(e)MILE501 [157.38/300/300]
(e)MRBECK [51.94/200/200]
(e)MTERRYCOOKE [156.96/399/399]
(e)NATELACLAIRE [80.23/300/300]
(e)NEWMASTERSUK [143.83/300/300]
(e)NEWSPECIES [45.54/300/300]
(e)NILS [69.43/400/400]
(e)OCCUPYTHEUSA [69.77/200/200]
(e)PAWI [72.37/200/200]
(e)PDQTRADER [125.07/250/250]
(e)PERFECTSTORM [107.84/200/200]
(e)PETRIPAATALO [78.21/55/55]
(e)POB [101.36/365/365]
(e)PROFINIMANS [133.73/330/330]
(e)R4F [70.88/250/250]
(e)RG1 [100.38/300/300]
(e)RHONDASERKES [123.07/250/250]
(e)RUSTYROAR [107.86/350/350]
(e)RYANMERCER [177.25/400/400]
(e)SATOSHIN [85.07/250/250]
(e)SHAWNETV [165.4/246/246]
(e)SMF [145.69/220/220]
(e)STEENBERGER [66.49/350/350]
(e)STEVENWARD [103.19/300/300]
(e)STJEPAN [192.97/250/250]
(e)SUPER2 [71.4/250/250]
(e)SUSANBSBI [35.36/200/200]
(e)TAREQG [161.63/300/300]
(e)TEKNODROME [187.57/200/200]
(e)TENHAGEN [380.67/300/300]
(e)TOPBULLET1 [110.87/250/250]
(e)TRAU [120.47/250/250]
(e)TVISIO [195.98/400/400]
(e)VIGGOROCKS [202.55/399/399]
(e)VOLARYMUSIC [128.01/179/179]
(e)WEBACTONODEA [143.03/240/240]
(e)WEIRDCHINA [152.21/240/240]
(e)YODSPICA [230.78/316/316]
(e)ZOSARIA [166.04/250/250]

NBC Olympic commentators

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during past Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...Oh my God, what have I just said?"

Take Over @Water - Please vote and send out a tweet #twakeover #savewater

Nearly a billion people search every day for safe water & billions don't have a toilet.

I am in a competition to take over @Water for the week of September 4th. If I get the most votes and I'll call the shots.

If you have twitter please vote and send out a tweet:

http://twakeover.water.org/t/SydesJokes/

Thanks to the following people for their votes:

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Friday, August 17, 2012

Indian Taxi Driver

If you've ever had an Indian taxi driver you'll love this one .........

A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi at a Wolverhampton Taxi Rank.

The Indian driver opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman and made no attempt to start the cab.

"What's wrong with you, Luv? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from."

"Well if you're not bloody staring at me Luvvie, what are you doing then?"

"Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me with?"

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Great Photos from Mars Landing

Awesome photography! Great photos from Mars

Incredible images from the latest batch of photographs sent back from the Mars lander.
This camera is fantastic.

Interesting Facts about the Aviation Industry

All International Airline Pilots speaks English.
Flights longer than 8 hours require 3 pilots (1 captain and 2 first officers) to rotate flying duties. Flights longer than 12 hours require 4 pilots (1 captain and 3 first officers). They usually fly 3-4 hour shifts.
Each airline pilot flying the aircraft, eats a different meal to minimize the risk of all pilots on board being ill.
On average, pilots fly between 9 and 14 days a month
All airlines have an agreement to let each others' travelling pilots occupy empty seats. If no seats are available, the travelling pilot can also occupy an extra seat in the cockpit that is usually empty.
The main function of flight attendants are for the safety and security of their passengers, and passenger comfort is only secondary.
The first female flight attendants in 1930 were required to weigh less than 115 pounds. In addition, they had to be nurses and unmarried.
Flight attendants must not have any tattoos visible when a uniform is worn. These requirements are designed to give the airlines a positive representation.
The normal ratio of Flight Attendants to passenger seats is one Flight Attendant for every 50 passenger seats.
The height requirement for Flight Attendant is for safety reasons, making sure that all flight attendants can reach overhead safety equipment.
The normal ratio of Lavatories to passengers is approximately one lavatory for every 50 passengers.
An air traveler can lose approximately 1.5 liters of water in the body during a three-hour flight.
The reason why the lights are turned out during takeoff and landing - Is for your eyes to adjust to lower levels of light. If there's an accident and they have to activate the emergency slides, studies have shown that you will be able to see better and therefore be able to evacuate more quickly and safely.
The World's largest Airline in terms of Fleet Size is Delta Airlines (United States) with 744 aircraft and 121 aircraft on order as of March 2011.
The largest passenger plane is the Airbus 380 - nearly 240 feet long, almost 80 feet high, and has a wingspan of more than 260 feet. The double-decker plane has a standard seating capacity of 555 passengers.
The world's busiest airport in terms of passenger volume or the number of takeoffs and landings, is Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, Atlanta, Georgia, United States - with more than 88 million passengers shuffled through the Atlanta airport in 2009, with another 20 million in the first three months of 2010, and with aircraft take-off and landings approximately every 37 seconds.
The Internet/On-Line check-in was first used by Alaskan Airlines in 1999.
The world's Largest Airport is Kansai International Airport, Osaka, Japan (as of 2011). By 2013 Al Maktoum International Airport in Jebel Ali, Dubai, United Arab Emirates is planned to be the largest airport in the world.
The airport with the longest runway in the world is Qamdo Bangda Airport in the Peoples Republic of China with 5.50 kilometers in length (as of 2011).
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by removing 1 olive from each salad served in first class.
In 2009, Southwest served 63.2 million cans of soda, juices, and water; 14.3 million alcoholic beverages; 14 million bags of pretzels; 90 million bags of peanuts; 17.7 million Select-A-Snacks; and 33.5 million other snacks.
Singapore Airlines spends about $700 million on food every year and $16 million on wine alone. First class passengers consume 20,000 bottles of alcohol every month and Singapore Airlines is the second largest buyer of Dom Perignon champagne in the world.
Cathay Pacific carries rice cookers, toasters, cappuccino makers and skillets on board their airplanes.
KLM of Netherlands stands for Koninklijke Luchtvaart Maatschappij (meaning Royal Dutch Airlines).
KLM is the worlds' oldest airline established in 1919.
QUANTAS - Australia's national airline, originally stood for Queensland And Northern Territories Air Service.
QUANTAS is the second world's oldest airline established in 1920.
QUANTAS still has the world's best safety record with no crashes as of 2011.
Virgin Atlantic lists catering as their third biggest expense, after fuel and maintenance.
American Airlines spent about $425 million on food for domestic passengers in 2001.
In one year, British Airways passengers consume:
* 40.5 tons of chicken
* 6 tons of caviar
* 22 tons of smoked salmon
* 557,507 boxes of chocolate
* 90 thousand cases (9 liter cases) of sparkling wine.
Abu Dhabi Airport Services once did a complete turn-around for a Boeing 777 in under 40 minutes, as opposed to a normal minimum of one hour. They unloaded passengers, cargo, mail, cleaned the aircraft, and loaded outbound passengers, cargo and mail in that short time.
In 2001, Dubai Duty Free sold 1,570,214 cartons of cigarettes, 2,003,151 bottles of liquor, 2,909 kilograms of gold, 101,824 watches, 690,502 bottles of perfume, 52,119 mobile phones.
In-flight catering is an $18 billion worldwide industry employing up to 200,000 people.

Bus Office