Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The wit and the wisdom of Homer J. Simpson

  • "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."

  • "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

  • "Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"

  • "Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."

  • "If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."

  • "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."

  • "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

  • "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

  • "Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'" * "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to all of life's problems!"

  • "I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two,'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

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