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Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine One-Liners

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a valentine card?
A: A card that says, "I love you drool-ly!"

Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
A: "I love you with all my art!"

Q: What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
A: He gives it a valenshine!

Q: What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?
A: "I’ve got a crutch on you!"

Q: Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
A: It was a case of guppy love.

Q: What do you call two birds in love?
A: Tweethearts.

Q: What do you call a very small valentine?
A: A valentiny.

Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
A: "Be my valenstein!"

Q: Why did the moroff boy put clothes on the valentines he sent?
A: Because they needed to be ad-dressed.

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Hog and kisses.

Q: What would you get when you cross Bubba with the God of love?
A: A stupid cupid.

Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
A: It was Valenswine’s Day.

Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A: Sure, they’re very scent-imental.

Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
A: "I’m sweet on you!"

Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A: "I find you very attractive."

Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A: A hug and a quiche.

Q: What did one pickle say to the other?
A: "You mean a great dill to me."

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
A: "I love you a ton!"

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
A: "You’re fun to hang around with."

Q: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
A: He fell in love with a pincushion.

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?
A: "I dot my i’s on you!"

Q: Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
A: She didn’t suit his taste.

Q: Why do valentines have hearts on them?
A: Because spleens would look pretty gross.

Q: Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart?
A: Because even Cupid can’t hit a target that small.

Q: Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
A: Because you always heart the one you love.

Q: What did one light bulb say to the other?
A: "I love you a whole watt!"

Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
A: Ughs and kisses.

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