Sunday, March 31, 2013

Easter Truisms

  • Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.

  • Walk softly and carry a big carrot.

  • Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

  • There's no such thing as too much candy.

  • All work and no play can make you a basket case.

  • A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Famous Last Words

  • I'll get a world record for this..

  • It's fireproof.

  • He's probably just hibernating.

  • What does this button do?

  • It's probably just a rash.

  • Are you sure the power is off?

  • Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?

  • The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!

  • Pull the pin and count to what?

  • Which wire was I supposed to cut?

  • I wonder where the mother bear is.

  • I've seen this done on TV.

  • These are the good kind of mushrooms.

  • I'll hold it and you light the fuse.

  • Let it down slowly.

  • Rat poison only kills rats.

  • It's strong enough for both of us.

  • This doesn't taste right.

  • I can make this light before it changes.

  • Nice doggie.

  • I can do that with my eyes closed.

  • I've done this before.

  • Well, we've made it this far.

  • That's odd.

  • You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?

  • Don't be so superstitious.

  • Now watch this.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

It Might Be the Light

Deep In the back woods, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"

Hymns for All Professions

  • Dentist's Hymn: Crown Him with Many Crowns
  • Weatherman's Hymn: There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
  • Contractor's Hymn: The Church's One Foundation
  • Tailor's Hymn: Holy, Holy, Holy
  • Golfer's Hymn: There's a Green Hill Far Away
  • Politician's Hymn: Standing on the Promises
  • Optometrist's Hymn: Open My Eyes That I Might See
  • IRS Agent's Hymn: I Surrender All
  • Gossip's Hymn: Pass It On
  • Electrician's Hymn: Send The Light
  • Shopper's Hymn: Sweet By and By
  • Realtor's Hymn: I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop
  • Massage Therapist's Hymn: He Touched Me
  • Doctor's Hymn: The Great Physician

A Nice Boy

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Street Art

Street Art

Organize power cables

Organize power cables

I am not fat

I am not fat

Googling your symptons

Googling your symptons


Sunday, March 3, 2013

Fear of weapons

Fear of weapons



Coffee - The most important meal of the day

Coffee - The most important meal of the day

10 Misconceptions Dispelled