Monday, June 30, 2014

Jokes for Monday 30th June 2014

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The human eye up close looks like a spooky forest

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A Square Root

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Joke # 1

The difference


Joke # 2

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.


Joke # 3

A guy runs into an ex-girlfriend, with whom he didn't have the greatest relationship. "You know, I was with another woman last night, but I was still thinking of you."

"Why, because you miss me?"

"No, because it keeps me from cumming too fast."


Joke # 4

Q: What letter can you drink?
A: T (tea)


Joke # 5

My husband's expanding waistline was a sore subject, but I could no longer ignore it, especially since he's still young and handsome.

"Honey," I said, using a seductive voice, "if you lose 20 pounds, I promise to dance for you."

Using his most sarcastic voice, he shot back, "Lose ten pounds and I'll watch."


Joke # 6

The attractive wife told her husband she was going on vacation with a girlfriend. She spent a wild, wonderful week with her fabulously wealthy lover, who, at the end of the week gave her a beautiful $10,000 mink coat.

Obviously, she couldn't bring it home and so she devised a plan. She pawned the mink coat. She later casually mentioned to her husband she had found a pawn ticket.

"Honey, on your lunch break today can you stop at the pawn shop and see what this is?" she asked, handing the pawn ticket to her husband.

Her husband returned that evening and told his wife it was nothing but a cheap watch. The next day his secretary was wearing a $10,000 mink coat.


Joke # 7

A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site.

At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of other bones, he noticed the rescue team.

"Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten all of his comrades.

The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man... your plane only went down yesterday!"


Joke # 8

Q: Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?
A: No one can eat just one potato ship.


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