Saturday, June 28, 2014

Jokes for Saturday 28th June 2014

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Joke # 1

The best thing to hold onto in life


Joke # 2

Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..


Joke # 3

Wife: Okay, today's Friday. Where's your pay envelope?

Man: I already spent all my pay. I bought something for the house.

Wife: What? What could you buy for the house that cost $480?

Man: Eight rounds of drinks.


Joke # 4

Q: Why did the banana split?
A: It saw the ginger snap.


Joke # 5

She had been thinking about coloring her hair. One day while going through a magazine, she came across an ad for a hair coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that she liked.

Wanting a second opinion, she asked her husband, "How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles?"

He looked at the picture, crumbled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. "Just great, hon."


Joke # 6

It seems John had been experimenting with an unusual method of seeking autoerotic gratification; namely, inserting a live fish into his anus.

What he hadn't counted on was the fish's fins acting, in effect, like one of those sets of driveway spikes that allow you to drive over them one way but puncture your tires if you try to go the other way.

In his pain and panic, he dialed emergency. The EMT arrived, surveyed the situation, and said, "John, you just have to learn to chew your food better."


Joke # 7

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells, "Oh big boy,whip me,whip me!"

Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.

About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy [let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her] eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen".


Joke # 8

Q: Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?
A: She was caught taking a brake.


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