Sunday, June 29, 2014

Jokes for Sunday 29th June 2014

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Joke # 1

The only difference


Joke # 2

Born free... taxed to death.


Joke # 3

"Now, Professor," said the doctor, "you say you have shooting pains in your neck, dizziness, and constant nausea. Just for

"Why, I was just 39 on my last birthday!" the old professor replied indignantly.

"Hmmm," muttered the doctor. "Got a slight loss of memory, too."


Joke # 4

Q: Why are kindergarten teachers so good?
A: They can make little things count.


Joke # 5

Linda (a blonde) and Jill were chatting over coffee. Said Linda, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye." Linda took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" she cried. "There it goes again!"

Said Jill, "Linda... take the spoon out of the cup."


Joke # 6

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!

She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.

By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"

The fireman says, "No!"

The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."


Joke # 7

Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the priest. "Father, I am sinful."

"Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."

"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her.

"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."

"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."

"That's not very good of you."

Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."

"Father?......... Father?"

Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Priest was not there. So he began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?"

He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."


Joke # 8

Q: When are kids most likely to go to school?
A: When the door is open.


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