Saturday, September 6, 2014

Jokes for Friday 5th September 2014

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Been picked up by the fuzz

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Edmund Lee #Quote

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How to conquer the snooze button

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Joke # 1

Be a fruit loop




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Joke # 2

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

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Joke # 3

A sad Bassett Hound was relating his troubles to his friend.

"I'm really depressed all the time and I think negative thoughts. I'm always bored, I feel listless and I am always tired."

"Why not go see a psychiatrist?" suggested the friend.

"Well, I would," said the Bassett Hound, "except that I'm not allowed on the couch.

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Joke # 4

Q: Whats the difference between a tractor and a giraffe? A.One has hydraulics the other has highbollocks.
Q: What kind of band doesn't play music?
A: A highbred.

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Joke # 5

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?"

"Yeah,... and they're in favor 15 to 2."

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Joke # 6

The city slicker was spending some time with his country cousins. The first morning the farmer said," We need some help today. I'd sure appreciate it if you could take the bull to pasture three to breed with the cow there." The city slicker agreed. Six hours later, he staggered back to the farmhouse, his clothing all torn and disheveled.

The farmer took a look, then asked, "The bull give you a problem?"

"Hell, no. the bull was eager and raring to go." "

Then why did it take you all day?"

"Because," the city slicker replied, "The cow fought me for hours before she'd roll over on her back."

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Joke # 7

There was a rather talented jazz trumpeter who had an old, respectable Jewish uncle. The elder gentleman was very straitlaced and orthodox, and quite adept in the honing of ceremonial ram's horns (shofar). He also ap- preciated and admired his nephew's musical skill, al- though he did not think it proper for a man of his position to admit it.

Of course, part of the process of finishing the horns is to sound them, to ensure they have been thoroughly hollowed and have the required resonance. However, the uncle's advancing age had rendered him frequently short of breath, and unable to muster the exhalation strength necessary to test the horns. He therefore requested that his nephew pay him a visit to help him complete his work.

The nephew dutifully attended his uncle's invitation, and set to the task before him with some vigor. His uncle was apparently satisfied with their progress, but the nephew soon became a bit restless and began puckishly scatting on the horns. This earned him a quizzical but not disapproving look from the old man. Unabashed, the nephew gamely asked, "So, what do you think of that, dear uncle?"

With a glint and a suppressed grin, his uncle replied, "Shofar, so good, my boy."

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Joke # 8

Q: If one is single and two is a couple and three is a crowd, what is four and five?
A: 9 (5+4)

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

I Don't Need Google

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-dont-need-google.html

It's Been So Long

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/its-been-so-long.html

Simple Sentence 4

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-4.html

Death By Powerpoint

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/death-by-powerpoint.html

Italians

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/italians.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Too Technical For Women #1

http://bit.ly/aYrVY3

Gator Infestation

http://bit.ly/a8ibX1

Ok For a Guy to Cry

http://bit.ly/fzN88v

Moon Job

http://bit.ly/d2cVeO

F86 Crash

http://bit.ly/chT865


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