Thursday, September 11, 2014

Jokes for Thursday 11th September 2014

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Plexus Slim

Consider the following:

-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
-> 8 out of 10 Americans over the age of 25 are overweight.
-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

Check how Plexus products can help you lose weight -->


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Joke # 1

Coffee Lover


Joke # 2

Men are like.....Cement/ After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.


Joke # 3

Little Pauly: "Say, Dad, how many kinds of milk are there?"

Father: "Well, there's evaporated milk, butter-milk, malted milk, low-fat, non-fat, regular, and, uh, why do you want to know?"

Little Pauly: "Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many spigots to put on her."


Joke # 4

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Holes all over Australia.


Joke # 5

The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few...

"If there is a single word to describe me, that word would be 'profectionist'."

"I was abducted into the National Honor Society."

"I function well as an individual and a group."

"Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck."


Joke # 6

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of trouble selling it because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.

The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay. Here's the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car any more."

A few weeks later the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No. Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"


Joke # 7

A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.

The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting.

The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud. "This is not the 1928 Mouton."

The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton. Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.

"My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine."

Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928. "I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location."

Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, "When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes."


Joke # 8

Q: What goes ha, ha plonk?
A: Someone laughing their head off.


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