Saturday, September 6, 2014

Jokes for Thursday 4th September 2014

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Plexus Slim

Consider the following:

-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
-> 8 out of 10 Americans over the age of 25 are overweight.
-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

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Joke # 1

Sometimes I wanna be little again


Joke # 2

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.


Joke # 3

A little girl asks her Johnny, "Where do little girls come from?"

Johnny says, "They come from a hard-on."

The little girl then asks her Johnny, "Where does a hard-on come from?"

Johnny says, "Girls!"


Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a fairy that hasn't bathed in a year?
A: Stinkerbell.


Joke # 5

A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion.

"Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh. "Why, I'll give a million dollars to the first kid who presents me with a little one to bounce on my knee. Now, let's say grace," and proceeded to bow his head down to pray.

When the old man lifted his eyes again, his wife was the only other person at the table.


Joke # 6

Myrddin and Aspazia were having dinner and the conversation got around to transplants and artificial body parts.

"They'll make an artificial dick next," Aspazia said.

"Bullshit!" replied Myrddin. "There are some things you can't make. Besides, what would you make it from?"

"Iron," she told him.

"Don't be stupid, woman. It would rust."

"Ok, brass then," she insisted.

"That's bloody ridiculous," scoffed Myrddin. "Men would never be able to keep it clean."

"Rubbish!" she told him. "For years, I've watched you polish yours while watching porno videos...!"


Joke # 7

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are on the beach?"

Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer.

Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two Ping-Pong balls and paints them black.

The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the Ping-Pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing. The teacher says, "Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see you on Tuesday!"


Joke # 8

Q: When is it a good time to eat a window?
A: When it's jammed.


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1 comment:

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