Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Jokes for Tuesday 9th September 2014

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Plexus Slim

Consider the following:

-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
-> 8 out of 10 Americans over the age of 25 are overweight.
-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

Check how Plexus products can help you lose weight --> http://PlexusSlim.com/ColinSydes


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Joke # 1

Becoming a vegetarian


Joke # 2

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. - Carl Zwanzig


Joke # 3

It was a large wedding party, and afterwards the photographer took a long time getting family groups together for pictures. The groom sat by me, waiting with barely concealed impatience.

"Now I'd like to get the bride alone," the photographer finally announced.

Leaning towards me, the groom whispered, "So would I!"


Joke # 4

Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball.


Joke # 5

Jill: I'll tell you, Mary, I've had it with trying to find somebody nice my age.

Mary: Yeah, it's hard; I know.

Jill: It's not just hard; it's impossible. I'll see you tomorrow.

Mary: Where are you going?

Jill: I'm going to buy a keg of beer and go over to the college and Try trolling for frat boys.


Joke # 6

Linda's son was in the process of being potty trained.

One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. Linda asked,

"Did you have an accident?"

Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water the trees, the bushes ?"

"Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage."

Shocked, Linda responded, "Well, you shouldn't do that. It will start to stink, draw flies; now I'll have to go out and hose down the garage."

Her son replied cheerfully: " But Mom, it's OK, I didn't go in our garage, I went in Jill's garage!!"


Joke # 7

A traveling salesman's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. he goes looking for help, and eventually finds a lone farmhouse. Spying a light, he goes up to the door and knocks. "Hi. My car broke down a while back. Got a phone I can use to call for help?" he asks the farmer when he opens the door.

"Nope," he's told. "I ain't got no phone here. But if you want, I can give you a ride into town in the morning to get some help." The salesman agrees, and the farmer shows him to his room.

"What's that?" he asks, spying a wall of eggs.

"My daughter, the most beautiful creature in the world, is behind that wall," the farmer explains. "Now, come morning, if any of them eggs are broke, I'm gonna kill you. Understand?"

The salesman agrees to this, and turns in to bed. Later that night, though, he hears the daughter moaning from behind her wall, and finally he can't control himself anymore. He has to see this beauty. Rushing through the wall, he finds that she's even more beautiful than her father said, and she's quite ready to have fun. They spend the whole night making wild passionate love.

The salesman is woken by the rooster in the morning, and he hears the farmer climbing the stairs. In a panic, he grabs a jar of glue and starts gluing the eggshells back together. He has just finished putting the last egg into the wall when the farmer bursts into the room.

"So, you managed to control yourself," the old man says, looking at the intact wall. "Come on down, and I'll make you breakfast."

So saying, he grabs a couple of eggs from the wall. The salesman is petrified as he sits at the breakfast table. He knows that the eggs the farmer picked are empty, and he knows the farmer will catch on to what happened.

The farmer cracks open an egg.


He cracks open a second egg.

Again, nothing.

He cracks a third egg.


"Hmm," he says, looking right at the salesman, a frown appearing on his face. "The damn rooster's been using rubbers again!"


Joke # 8

Q: A man went to play golf for the day. He took his golf clubs and two pairs of pants. What were the extra pants for?
A: In case he got a hole-in-one.


SydesJokes Blog Posts

Lewd Snowman


I'm Not Doing Shit Today


Facebook Wall


Geek Leak


Male Optical Illusion


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SydesJokes Video Clips

Close Airforce Support


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Ship Hits Bridge


Mercedes TV Commercial - Sorry


Work Football



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