Saturday, September 6, 2014

Jokes for Wednesday 3rd September 2014

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Plexus Slim

Consider the following:

-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
-> 8 out of 10 Americans over the age of 25 are overweight.
-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

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Joke # 1



Joke # 2

PMS stands for "Pack My Suitcase."


Joke # 3

A man was in a Hallmark store, trying to pick out an anniversary card for his wife. The clerk was concerned that the customer had already spent a half-hour searching for the right anniversary greeting.

After watching the man lingering over one card after another, the clerk went to see if she could help. - "Is there a problem?" she asked.

"Yes, there is," he replied ruefully. - "I can't find one card my wife will believe."


Joke # 4

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.


Joke # 5

"Your honor, " explained the young man, "I'd like to get married, please."

"All right, what is your age?"

"I'm 22, sir."

"And the age of the bride?"

"She's 15, sir."

"15??? That's too young -- marrying you would be against the law!"

"I see, " said the young man. "Could you try explaining that to the fella next to her with the shotgun?"


Joke # 6

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 en-emas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear a blood-curdling scream from down the hall, "Oh my gosh!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"


Joke # 7

An avid skier decided that he would ski all the major mountains in the world. He spent a decade at this, climbing and then skiing the world's major peaks. Finally he decided he must ski Mt. Fuji, in Japan. He bade farewell to his wife and set off for the Land of the Rising Sun.

The fateful day came, the weather was right, and the skier climbed to the top of Fuji and skied down. So thrilled was he with his achievement that he decided to send his wife a postcard of Mt. Fuji, describing his feat. While in the shop buying the postcard, he decided, on a whim, to buy a postcard picturing a young, scantily clad geisha to send to his buddy who couldn't make the trip.

Unfortunately, he wrote the wrong messages on the cards, and sent them to the wrong recipients. On the back of the card showing Mt. Fuji, which he mistakenly sent to his buddy, he wrote: "Having fun in Japan!" And on the back of the card showing the scantily clad geisha, which he mistakenly sent to his wife, he wrote, "Here's a picture of the slope I went down on Thursday!"


Joke # 8

Q: What do you call a sheep with no head and legs?
A: A fuzz ball.


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1 comment:

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