Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Jokes for Saturday 13th December 2014

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Joke # 1

You change for two reasons


Joke # 2

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.


Joke # 3

Mary: I've never met a man with such low self-esteem as his. He told me that his mother always called him her "little bastard."

Jill: That's terrible! Certainly his parents were married!

Mary: Uh, yeah, but not to each other!


Joke # 4

Q: Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.


Joke # 5

During a difficult psychology lecture, a pre-med student interrupted: "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

To save lives, Professor Mike Wilson responded firmly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again: "So, how exactly does psychology save lives?"

Dr. Wilson replied, "It keeps the idiots out of medical school."


Joke # 6

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

"They're Carol's."


Joke # 7

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the day and he would have to return the following day.

"What for?" he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!"

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented.

"That's all right. You don't have to pay now."

The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."


Joke # 8

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.


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