Friday, December 19, 2014

Jokes for Sunday 14th December 2014

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These people have got their shit together

To all you high school graduates out there

Two things define you

Asked 100 Women

A few clowns

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Joke # 1

Making mistakes


Joke # 2

When someone asks you "Where is your Christmas Spirit?" point out your liquor cabinet :)


Joke # 3

A Muslim kid can't find his mother in the supermarket. The store manager says 'What does your mother look like?'

The kid says, "How the hell should I know?"


Joke # 4

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.


Joke # 5

Three-year-old Zoe watched her father Phil working in the garden. "What are you doing, Daddy?" she asked.

He replied, "I'm making a flower bed."

Soon Zoe started digging in the dirt, prompting Phil to ask, "And what are you doing?"

Zoe replied, "I'm making pillows and blankets."


Joke # 6

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.

"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

"That's still quite a bit," Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap."

So the clerk handed him a mirror.


Joke # 7

Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts. She never had a boyfriend so she went to a Psychic for help.

"Honey," said the Psychic. "You will not have luck in love in this life. But, at the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman and all men will fall at your feet."

Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought, "The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins."

She decided to jump off the bridge right away.

But, incredibly Jane didn't die!

She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face,

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Please! One at a time!"


Joke # 8

Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A: Thanks, I'll never part with it!


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