Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Jokes for Thursday 18th December 2014

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Joke # 1

Great Things


Joke # 2

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the Fire Department uses water.


Joke # 3

Senior man to wife: "In the moonlight your teeth look just like pearls."

"Who's Pearl and what were you doing with her in the moonlight?!?"


Joke # 4

Q: What has three letters and and starts with gas?
A: A car


Joke # 5

A blonde storms up to the front desk of the library. "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

What was wrong with it?

It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!

Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone book.


Joke # 6

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees a shark in the water, so he starts swimming furiously towards his boat.

As he looks back, he sees the shark turn and head towards him. He's scared to death, and as he sees the jaws of the great white beast open, revealing its horrific teeth, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant, time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Confused, and knowing he can't lie, the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracts back into the heavens. The man feels the water move once again.

As the atheist looks back, he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man watches as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive..."


Joke # 7

There once was a yellow frog and all the other frogs used to tease him. So, one day he went to an old witch and asked if she could, change him to green.

The witch said she could and she said the magic words. The frog was green!

But when the frog looked down he said, "Witch, my private parts are still yellow!"

The witch said, "I don't do private parts; you'll have to go to my sister down the road." And so off the frog went.

Later that day a blue deer came to ask the witch to change him to brown. The witch did. Then he too saw that his private parts were blue. "What about my private parts?" The witch told him to go to his sister's house and she'd change his private parts to brown.

The deer said, "I'm not very good with directions. How do I get there?"

The witch said, "Oh that's easy, just follow the yellow dicked toad!"


Joke # 8

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand up?
A: Because it's two tired!


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