Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Jokes for Tuesday 16th December 2014

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Joke # 1

Be with someone who knows what they have


Joke # 2

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Joke # 3

Little Pauly got his report card and decided to show it to Uncle Professor for an opinion before showing it to his father.

The Professor. examined it and then said, "One thing is definitely in your favor. With grades like that, you couldn't possibly be cheating."


Joke # 4

Q: Why did the melon jump into the lake?
A: It wanted to be a watermelon.


Joke # 5

A new senator decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning; he felt that in this suit he could do business.

As he was preening in front of the mirror, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets. To his surprise, he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a senator?"

The young man answered, "Yes, I did."

The tailor then said, "Whoever heard of a politician with his hands in his own pockets?"


Joke # 6

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face.

Owch! the Chinese man says. "What was that for?"

That was for Pearl Harbor, the Jewish man says.

But I'm Chinese! "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the Jewish man sits back down.

Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face.

Ouch! the Jewish man says. "What was that for?"

That was for the Titanic, the Chinese man says.

But that was an iceberg!

Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?


Joke # 7

Little Greggy came home from school, and his mother asked, "How was your day dear?" He replied: " Pretty good. I ate all my jam sandwiches for lunch, passed my spelling test, came first in the 100 metres sprint, was in the winning netball team, and got a f#@* on the way home."

His mother was shocked and yelled at him," I won't have you talking filth like that! Its disgusting. Get to your room, you just wait till your father gets home". So little Greggy went upstairs to his room.

When his father got home, Little Greggys mother told him he had better go up and talk to him. He went up to his room and said, " What sort of a day did you have at school son?" Little Greggy said, "Pretty good Dad, I ate all my jam sandwiches for lunch, passed my spelling test, came first in the 100 metres sprint, was in the winning netball team, and got a f#@* on the way home."

His father went downstairs into the kitchen and reefed the cast iron frying pan from where it was hanging on the wall.

His mother was horrified. "What are you going to do with that? You're not going to hit him!" she cried. The father said, " No. He can't do all that on jam sandwiches - I'm going to cook him a steak with Spuds".


Joke # 8

Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.


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