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Monday, June 30, 2014

Jokes for Monday 30th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
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http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

The human eye up close looks like a spooky forest

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618114961554403

Whenever you feel sad

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618117031554196

Welcome

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618117071554192

A Square Root

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618117258220840

Treats you like shit

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618117921554107

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

The difference




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Joke # 2

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

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Joke # 3

A guy runs into an ex-girlfriend, with whom he didn't have the greatest relationship. "You know, I was with another woman last night, but I was still thinking of you."

"Why, because you miss me?"

"No, because it keeps me from cumming too fast."

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Joke # 4

Q: What letter can you drink?
A: T (tea)

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Joke # 5

My husband's expanding waistline was a sore subject, but I could no longer ignore it, especially since he's still young and handsome.

"Honey," I said, using a seductive voice, "if you lose 20 pounds, I promise to dance for you."

Using his most sarcastic voice, he shot back, "Lose ten pounds and I'll watch."

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Joke # 6

The attractive wife told her husband she was going on vacation with a girlfriend. She spent a wild, wonderful week with her fabulously wealthy lover, who, at the end of the week gave her a beautiful $10,000 mink coat.

Obviously, she couldn't bring it home and so she devised a plan. She pawned the mink coat. She later casually mentioned to her husband she had found a pawn ticket.

"Honey, on your lunch break today can you stop at the pawn shop and see what this is?" she asked, handing the pawn ticket to her husband.

Her husband returned that evening and told his wife it was nothing but a cheap watch. The next day his secretary was wearing a $10,000 mink coat.

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Joke # 7

A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site.

At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of other bones, he noticed the rescue team.

"Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten all of his comrades.

The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man... your plane only went down yesterday!"

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?
A: No one can eat just one potato ship.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Israel's new Cutting Edge Airport Security

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/israels-new-cutting-edge-airport.html

Insurance Sex

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/05/insurance-sex.html

Sniffer dog

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/05/sniffer-dog.html

Facts About Lake Superior

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/05/facts-about-lake-superior.html

The Truth About Captain America's Shield

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/05/truth-about-captain-americas-shield.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Icy Runway

http://bit.ly/cqDDDI

Roller Coaster Cam

http://bit.ly/9iIkyW

Snow Wall

http://bit.ly/anmWiD

Cool Sperm

http://bit.ly/cccxDX

Boy and His Train Christmas

http://bit.ly/aSwXhQ

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Sunday, June 29, 2014

Need glasses



Minimum Wage



Mac and PC



Love is like a fart



Jokes for Sunday 29th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Run a marathon

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618005771565322

Robin Williams Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618005814898651

People don't always need advice

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618005854898647

Tax Evasion

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618005894898643

Rodney Dangerfield Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=618005934898639

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

The only difference




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Joke # 2

Born free... taxed to death.

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Joke # 3

"Now, Professor," said the doctor, "you say you have shooting pains in your neck, dizziness, and constant nausea. Just for

"Why, I was just 39 on my last birthday!" the old professor replied indignantly.

"Hmmm," muttered the doctor. "Got a slight loss of memory, too."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why are kindergarten teachers so good?
A: They can make little things count.

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Joke # 5

Linda (a blonde) and Jill were chatting over coffee. Said Linda, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye." Linda took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" she cried. "There it goes again!"

Said Jill, "Linda... take the spoon out of the cup."

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Joke # 6

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!

She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.

By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"

The fireman says, "No!"

The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."

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Joke # 7

Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the priest. "Father, I am sinful."

"Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."

"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her.

"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."

"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."

"That's not very good of you."

Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."

"Father?......... Father?"

Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Priest was not there. So he began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?"

He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."

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Joke # 8

Q: When are kids most likely to go to school?
A: When the door is open.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Boycott NBC for cancelling Harry's Law show

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/boycott-nbc-for-cancelling-harrys-law.html

Dirty Phone Call

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/dirty-phone-call.html

Bite the Bullet

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/bite-bullet.html

Kamasutra for Seniors

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/kamasutra-for-seniors.html

Rules from Women for blokes

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/rules-from-women-for-blokes.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Job Interview

http://bit.ly/bd8OWD

Budweiser - Desparate

http://bit.ly/9wS6PC

Typical Office Day

http://bit.ly/bgJ112

Xerox Mute Button

http://bit.ly/aaNSOh

Girl On Bike

http://bit.ly/dfWmen

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Saturday, June 28, 2014

iP



Don't+ et your printer know you are in a hurry



I can't stop drinking coffee



If you lose one sense



Randomly searched



Orange Cones



On Shanghai Tower



If you have a complaint



If Apple and Disney merged



Google Chrome Logo



Jokes for Saturday 28th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Negative and Positive Thinkers

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=617441224955110

Rod Stewart Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=617556434943589

Preparedness

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=617682194931013

Never Forget

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=617770161588883

P.G. Wodenhouse Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=617912948241271

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

The best thing to hold onto in life




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Joke # 2

Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..

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Joke # 3

Wife: Okay, today's Friday. Where's your pay envelope?

Man: I already spent all my pay. I bought something for the house.

Wife: What? What could you buy for the house that cost $480?

Man: Eight rounds of drinks.

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the banana split?
A: It saw the ginger snap.

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Joke # 5

She had been thinking about coloring her hair. One day while going through a magazine, she came across an ad for a hair coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that she liked.

Wanting a second opinion, she asked her husband, "How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles?"

He looked at the picture, crumbled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. "Just great, hon."

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Joke # 6

It seems John had been experimenting with an unusual method of seeking autoerotic gratification; namely, inserting a live fish into his anus.

What he hadn't counted on was the fish's fins acting, in effect, like one of those sets of driveway spikes that allow you to drive over them one way but puncture your tires if you try to go the other way.

In his pain and panic, he dialed emergency. The EMT arrived, surveyed the situation, and said, "John, you just have to learn to chew your food better."

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Joke # 7

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells, "Oh big boy,whip me,whip me!"

Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in ecstasy.

About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy [let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her] eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen".

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Joke # 8

Q: Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?
A: She was caught taking a brake.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Goat

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/goat.html

Barbender

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/barbender.html

Cruise Ship

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/cruise-ship.html

Who is Jack Schitt?

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/who-is-jack-schitt.html

Reclaim America from Illegal Immigrants

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/reclaim-america-from-illegal-immigrants.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Pool and Domino Trick

http://bit.ly/d38sAr

Heineken Advert

http://bit.ly/bQrnm1

School Answering Machine

http://bit.ly/bFzDVr

Treasures Once Lost - How To Save America

http://bit.ly/dxCEIh

Highly Trained Marines

http://bit.ly/dicM4J

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Friday, June 27, 2014

Jokes for Friday 27th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Maths

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=616946781671221

Robert De Niro Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=616998658332700

Pigs

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=617053874993845

Lyndon B. Johnson knew how to have a good time

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=617139051651994

Mabel's Mobile Manscaping

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=617311781634721

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Support Group




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Joke # 2

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

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Joke # 3

Two prisoners were having a chat. The first one said. "I've got two tickets for the warden's ball, Do you want to buy one?"

"No thanks," said the second guy. "I can't dance."

"It's not a dance," said the first prisoner. "It's a raffle!"

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Joke # 4

Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?
A: No thank you, I’m stuffed.

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Joke # 5

Lorraine was driving through a town in Montana and stopped Little Johnny, to ask where she could find a taxidermist.

Little Johnny said he did not think there was any there. She said, "Are you sure?"

At that, he admitted he did not know what the word meant. Therefore, she explained that a taxidermist is a man who mounts animals.

Little Johnny said, "Oh hell, we have got plenty of them around here, only we call them sheepherders!"

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Joke # 6

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

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Joke # 7

A lady was a huge Paul McCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.

He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".

She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work.

"Who the heck's that?" she says. "It's Paul McCartney", he replies.

"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".

So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.

The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says. "It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"

He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattooist drags the drunk into his store. There's the woman, sitting legs apart with nothing on below her waist.

The tattoist says to the drunk (pointing at the womans legs)..."Tell me who the hell you think that is".

The drunk says (in a drunken slur voice), "I've no idea who the people are on her thighs but the guy in the middle is a dead ringer for Willie Nelson"!

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Joke # 8

Q: What did the calculator say to the math student?
A: You can count on me!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Newly Married Couple

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/newly-married-couple.html

An old lady dies and goes to heaven

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/old-lady-dies-and-goes-to-heaven.html

Merits of Cosmetic Surgery

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/merits-of-cosmetic-surgery.html

Getting Home Late

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/getting-home-late.html

Big-dick Contest

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/bigdick-contest.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Copying

http://bit.ly/9bNwhU

Cupid

http://bit.ly/cO1odz

Eddie Izzard - Ich Bin Ein Berliner

http://bit.ly/cVgk8k

Stationary Is Bad #1

http://bit.ly/b4T5I9

Pimp My Ride - Golf #3

http://bit.ly/9UJOok

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Thursday, June 26, 2014

Nostalgia



Bill Gates needed a new phone

Log Out - Power Down



Coffee - The most important meal of the day



Jokes for Thursday 26th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Exercise Routine

https://www.facebook.com/ajax/sharer/?s=2&appid=2305272732&p%5B0%5D=333092436723325&p%5B1%5D=1073742280&profile_id=333092436723325&share_source_type=unknown

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=602951743070725&id=333092436723325

Fashion Hightlights of People of Walmart

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=618663004832932&id=333092436723325

Don't judge people

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=607030729329493

Katharine Hepburn Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=608141255885107

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Step aside morning




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Joke # 2

Confucius: He who lives in glass house dresses in basement.

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Joke # 3

Mary: I went shopping for bras this weekend. How depressing! I wanted one with good support.

Jill: Have you tried under wire?

Mary: Yes, Ma'am! Unfortunately, I have graduated to steel girders!

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
A: Because he wanted to draw the curtains!

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Joke # 5

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....

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Joke # 6

Tony met a young woman in a bar. She accepted his invitation to go back to his apartment with him. After a few drinks and some soft music, he suggested they retire to the bedroom, and the girl agreed. Soon they were going at it hot & heavy, when all of a sudden, Tony stopped dead, looked at her and said, "Hey, you don't have herpes, do you?"

"No", she replied. "What would make you ask such a thing?"

"Thats a relief," said Tony. "The last girl didn't tell me till it was too late!"

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Joke # 7

There was a man in a hospital who thought that he would die. So he asks the beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish. Nurse he says, "I want to kiss the head of Nikita Kruschev." (you know a president of the ex USSR who was fat and had no hair on his head).

"Nikita Kruschev? But he is dead for a long time."

"I don't care I want to kiss his head," the man says. "This is my last wish!"

The nurse didn't know what to do. Then she thought of something. As the man did not wear his glasses the nurse takes her beautiful tits out of her bra and offers the left one to the man.

He holds it, caresses it and very moved. He said, "Oh my dear Nikita, my old friend!! How happy I am to see you again!"

He was kissing her left tit so warmly that the nurse started liking the whole situation. She asks the man, "What about kissing president Eisenhower's head." "Yes!! Is he here too?"

"Of course he is here," she says, and offers him her right tit. "Oh my dear president how happy I am to see you here," said the man, kissing again and again, "Eisenhower."

The nurse liked all that very very much; and started to feel her pussy getting moist; so she asks the man, "What about Fidel Castro?"

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the gardener plant his money?
A: He wanted his soil to be rich!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Got Married

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/got-married.html

Wide Eyed

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/wide-eyed.html

Speak 3 Languages

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/speak-3-languages.html

Blowjob

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/blowjob.html

Rules of the Road

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/rules-of-road.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Joy of Pepsi

http://bit.ly/c4MMUK

Cruel Joke On Your Mate

http://bit.ly/bUoO16

Bin Men

http://bit.ly/arNXys

Crank That Santa Claus

http://bit.ly/c3hFc1

Expanding Table

http://bit.ly/c8KIu5

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Jokes for Wednesday 25th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Lose Weight

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=616489348383631

It makes the bathroom fun

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=616620441703855

Jesse Jackson Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=616726585026574

It makes the bathroom fun

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=616620441703855&set=a.564999370199296.1073741825.333092436723325&type=1

Jesse Jackson Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=616726585026574&set=a.564999370199296.1073741825.333092436723325&type=1

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Spend the rest of my life laughing




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Joke # 2

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

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Joke # 3

"Our wall clock almost killed my mother today!" a wife complains. "It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch!"

The husband mumbles, "Damn clock always was slow."

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Joke # 4

Q: What did one egg say to the other egg?
A: You crack me up!

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Joke # 5

An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners.

He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk.

Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: "Removed bowling ball from trunk."

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Joke # 6

For months, I've been getting spam emails offering to sell me pills that will increase the size of my penis up to three inches. I just ignored them and deleted them, but then curiosity got the best of me and I decided to try them, just to see what would happen.

I answered the ad and when the pills arrived, I was so anxious to try them, that I opened the package and without reading the instructions, took one and let it dissolve on my tongue.

It worked, but I have to ask you ladies, "What am I going to do with an eight-inch tongue?"

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Joke # 7

A guy and his wife are walking down the street. They stop at a jewelry store window. She says, "I'd love those diamond earrings."

The guy says, "No problem." He takes a brick out of his pocket, smashes the window, and grabs the earrings for her. They walk away hastily. Soon they come upon another jewelry store. "Oh please, please, please, get me that ring!"

The guy looks around, sees there's nobody around, takes another brick out of his pocket and hurls it at the window. Now she's got the earrings and this great ring, and they walk away ... until they come to yet another jewelry store.

"Just look at that diamond necklace. I need it!"

He looks at her and says, "Whaddaya think, I'm made out of bricks?"

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Joke # 8

Q: What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?
A: They are both rolling in the dough!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Nothing Is Really Lost

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/nothing-is-really-lost.html

3 Things You Can't Recover In Life

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/3-things-you-cant-recover-in-life.html

Living In The Past

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/living-in-past.html

It Takes Skill

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/it-takes-skill.html

Never Underestimate

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/never-underestimate.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

German Engineering Arab Technology

http://bit.ly/dfvH3W

Ballet Ford

http://bit.ly/9NCxpr

Australian Oscar

http://bit.ly/cODgEM

Girl Firing Hand Gun

http://bit.ly/bkadKK

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Monday, June 23, 2014

Jokes for Monday 23rd June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

I pooped too fast

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=614492735249959

If you can't say something nice

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=614645938567972

Henty Ford Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=614774428555123

I'm right 90% of the time

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=614924985206734

Monday Tomorrow

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=615816405117592

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Someday my Prince will come




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Joke # 2

People are like tea bags - You never know their strength until they get into hot water.

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Joke # 3

After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, "Here's your phone."

"What makes you think it's mine?" the ref asked.

"Easy," the coach replied. "It says you missed 13 calls."

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Joke # 4

Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: The dentist is taking me out tonight.

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Joke # 5

His aching back made it impossible for my sister's husband to get a decent night's rest on their lumpy mattress. "Till I feel better, I'm going to sleep on the couch," he finally announced.

Ordinarily, a spouse moving out of the bedroom isn't a good sign for the marriage. So my sister couldn't resist: "Okay, Murray, but as soon as we have an argument you're back in our bed."

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Joke # 6

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."

The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."

The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."

She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."

"How so?"

"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

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Joke # 7

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.

Son #3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway." Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."

Next, she went to Son #3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

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Joke # 8

Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

First US Flag

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/first-us-flag.html

The Instant Before Disaster

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/instant-before-disaster.html

The Original Angry Bird

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/original-angry-bird.html

Breathing Wine

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/breathing-wine.html

Charlie Chaplin

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/06/charlie-chaplin.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Barbie 50Th Anniversary

http://bit.ly/8XB4lN

Bad Ass Police Dogs

http://bit.ly/aMNIIY

Budweiser - New Dip

http://bit.ly/9jFEuo

French Lesson

http://bit.ly/a11gl0

Baby Food

http://bit.ly/djybXw

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Saturday, June 21, 2014

Jokes for Saturday 21st June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Don't exercise so you can live longer

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=613275558705010

Daydreams about being skinny

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=613339898698576

George Burns Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=613626385336594

Buddha Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=613813218651244

Having OCD sucks

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=613874521978447

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Sex. Health Benefits




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Joke # 2

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

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Joke # 3

The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a man, complete with tools, on the front porch.

"Madam," he announced, "I'm the piano tuner."

The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner."

The man replied, "No, but your neighbors did."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?
A: He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

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Joke # 5

A handsome advertising executive attended a party given by a female colleague and left with an extremely attractive guest. In the office the next morning, he thanked the hostess and explained that he really liked her friend. "Oh, she's not really a friend of mine," the girl responded. "Just an acquaintance."

"Well, in that case," the man chuckled, "I'm happy to have made your acquaintance."

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Joke # 6

John comes home all excited with this bottle and says to Jill, "I bought this at the store. It is supposed to be a topical lovemaking aid for women. When applied to the clitoris, a rush of blood is let in and the woman is supposed to experience pleasures she's never dreamed of. I can't wait for you to try it out."

"Really??" Jill said grabbing it out of his hand "Let me look at the directions for use."

John hands over the bottle and Jill says, "Ohhhhh, now I see why you can't wait for me to try it out. The directions say 'Apply liberally with tongue'"

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Joke # 7

Marge was in bed with her lover. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs.

"Oh, my God, your husband's home!" the lover shrieked. "What am I going to do?"

"Just stay in bed with me," Marge replied. "He's probably so drunk, he won't even notice you."

The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice.

Sure enough, Marge's husband came into the room blasted. As he crawled into bed, he pulled the covers and blankets over him, exposing six feet.

"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed! Have you got someone else in here?"

"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count," Marge calmly replied. "If you don't believe me, get out of bed and count them again."

So the husband got out of bed, and counted. "One, two, three, and four. By gosh, you're right, dear. I'm sorry I doubted you!"

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the opera singer go sailing?
A: Because she wanted to hit the high C’s.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Cool Drinking Glasses 1

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/cool-drinking-glasses-1.html

Hikers' Comments

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/hikers-comments.html

Unintentionally Inappropriate Domain Names 1

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/unintentionally-inappropriate-domain.html

Work

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/work.html

Let's Eat Grandma

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/lets-eat-grandma.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Bank Robbery

http://bit.ly/b0YTxO

IKEA - New Furniture

http://bit.ly/dDsQbY

Keep the Kids Quiet in the Car

http://bit.ly/b7TfXl

Crazy Landing

http://bit.ly/aupISz

Luckiest People On Earth

http://bit.ly/9Iu1xK

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Thursday, June 19, 2014

Jokes for Thursday 19th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

We can never judge the lives of others

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=611778148854751

When someone walks out of your life

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=611943555504877

When writing the story of your life

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=612036718828894

Whores

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=612093242156575

Be selective in your battles

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=612145635484669

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Joke # 1

Rich




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Joke # 2

President Bush has been taking some criticism for all the species he has tried to take off the Endangered Species list. In his defense, think of all those he has added, like the middle class.

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Joke # 3

A senior nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital.

"This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
A: Because he wanted to be on time.

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Joke # 5

Bill staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife.

His wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Bill had been until two o'clock in he morning.

Bill looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who in the hell is

The wife responded, "Don't go changing the subject! Where in the hell have you been so late?"

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Joke # 6

Although he always ordered just ham and eggs everyday, one customer at the diner always studied the menu carefully each day before ordering.

One day his regular waitress decided to see if he could be made to order anything else. Before giving him the menu she marked out the ham and eggs entry.

After waiting a few minutes she asked, "Did you notice, sir, that I scratched something that you like?"

Without looking up from the menu, he replied, "So go wash your hands and bring me some ham and eggs."

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Joke # 7

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist"garb They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them.

Once again, the two priests (incognito) settled on the beach, in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, and said, "Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute young lady." "Yes," she replied. "We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are "Father, it's me, Sister Mary Francis," she replied.

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Joke # 8

Q: What has three letters and and starts with gas?
A: A car

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Unintentionally Inappropriate Domain Names 2

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/unintentionally-inappropriate-domain_1.html

Hollow Points

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/hollow-points.html

Bacon AK47

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/bacon-ak47.html

Cool Drinking Glasses 3

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/cool-drinking-glasses-3.html

Zombie Nuts

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/07/zombie-nuts.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Poo Cocktail Supreme

http://bit.ly/qVjPos

Packing A Bag

http://bit.ly/9yUQLq

B52 Crash

http://bit.ly/aGOfgq

Condom Sizes

http://bit.ly/9uSxAK

Microwave Man

http://bit.ly/9olpxd

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Jokes for Wednesday 18th June 2014

Jokes for Wednesday 18th June 2014 SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

My patience is wearing thin

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=610767568955809

Snoring

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=611084802257419

Submarines

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=611273795571853

Two most important holes in a woman's body

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=611508108881755

W.C. Fields Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=611666848865881

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Repeating the same mistakes in life




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Joke # 2

Confucius says man with diarrhea in Las Vegas likes craps.

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Joke # 3

This old couple is ready to go to sleep, so the old man lies on the bed, but the old woman lies on the floor.

The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"

The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the melon jump into the lake?
A: It wanted to be a watermelon.

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Joke # 5

"Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his buddy showed up one

Richard beamed. "My wife got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?"

"I'll say. What was the occasion?"

"Got me," admitted Richard with a cheerful shrug. "I came home from work early the other day and there they were, hanging over the chair in the bedroom."

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Joke # 6

This young couple has been trying to have a baby. After six months they complain to the doctor that they just aren't having any luck.

"What position are you in when you ejaculate?" the physician asks Frank, the husband.

"What's 'ejaculate'?" asks Frank.

"Well, uh, that's when you climax and semen is emitted," explained the doctor patiently.

The young man looks puzzled for a few moments then asks, "Do you mean the gooey white stuff? Well, my little honey says it's icky... so I shoot it into the pillow."

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Joke # 7

There is this man sitting at the bar when the most beautiful woman he has ever seen walks in, and he just has to go over to her. "Let's cut the small talk, shall we? Your place or mine?" he says.

She looks at him and replies, "Mine."

So he gets into his car and she gets into her car and they go over to her place. When they get up to her apartment he walks in and sees all these dicks hanging on the walls.

He jumps back and cries, "What the hell is going on here?"

She answers, "If you don't satisfy me, that's where you're going to hang. So how do you want it?"

The man thinks for a minute and tells her to go into the bedroom, turn out the lights and get naked. When she goes into the bedroom, he goes back down to his car and gets this Big fuckin' watermelon out of his truck. He goes back up to her place and knocks on the bedroom door.

"Are you ready?" he asks.

"Yes," she replies. So he goes into the room and starts to pump her with the watermelon. She is just screaming her lungs out, absolutely loving every minute of it. This goes on for an hour or so. When he finishes, he asks her, "So how was that?"

The woman catches her breath and says, "Ahhh, nothing like a good fingering before a fuck!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Shake Weight

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/shake-weight.html

Piece Be With You

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/piece-be-with-you.html

If Web Browsers Were Guns

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/if-web-browsers-were-guns.html

Exposure To Music

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/exposure-to-music.html

Ammo Cost Saving

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/ammo-cost-saving.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Xerox Multifunction Products

http://bit.ly/apRAiC

Redneck Dragster

http://bit.ly/b5R0gH

Piano Stripper

http://bit.ly/cvy5Tu

Scottish Toyota Commercial

http://bit.ly/9Xc3en

Dangerous Hobbby

http://bit.ly/bjTqON

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Which one of these is not like the other?

If I had a British Accent

Monday, June 16, 2014

Jokes for Monday 16th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
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SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Your sister is hot

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=609296205769612

On Sigmund Freud's mind

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=609451009087465

Zsa Zsa Gabor Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=609530802412819

Obama calls in the marines

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=609683855730847

More inclined to grow up

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=609795369053029

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Nostalgia




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Joke # 2

An alarm clock is a small device used to wake up people who have no children at home.

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Joke # 3

Last night at the pub, Ray, who had had quite a few drinks, told me, "I've got an idea. Let's have one more drink and then go and find us some women."

Virtuously, I replied, "Not me. I'm married and I've got more than I can handle at home."

"Great," he replied, "let's go to YOUR place."

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you call two banana peels?
A: Slippers.

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Joke # 5

A man, having applied to join the police force, is being interviewed.

The Inspector says 'Your qualifications are first-class but there is one test that you must pass before I can recruit you.'

Sliding a small bag across the desk, he continues 'Take this gun, go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six Obama delegates and a rabbit.'

The man says 'Why the rabbit?'

'Fantastic attitude!' says the inspector. 'When can you start?'

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Joke # 6

Every weekend before she went out on a date, the young girl was told by her mother," Remember dear, when he tries to touch you a certain way, a girl's best friends are her legs."

Much to her mother's dismay however, several weeks later her daughter announced that she was pregnant.

"What! How did it happen? Didn't I tell you that your best friends are your legs?"

"You did, Mama," she replied. "But there comes a time when even best friends must part."

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Joke # 7

An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.

After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time.

"But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in over a year!"

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Joke # 8

Q: Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?
A: His son, because he’s a little Bigger!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Seven Types of Sex

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/seven-types-of-sex.html

Lazy Highway Crew

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/lazy-highway-crew.html

State-of-the-art watch

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/state-of-art-watch.html

Little Girl Stuck In Fence

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/little-girl-stuck-in-fence.html

Tweet-A-Pic

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/tweet-pic.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

For the Lover

http://bit.ly/cBDksK

Javelin Live Fire Vs T-72 Tank

http://bit.ly/c7ShVx

Mother About George Bush

http://bit.ly/9fgGcT

The Man Song

http://bit.ly/9GBSbR

Cool Granny

http://bit.ly/cW17h1

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Street Art



So now we know how Samsung was born



The secret of happiness



The Wal Mart 500



Trojan Condoms



Sunday, June 15, 2014

Jokes for Sunday 15th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Maria Callas Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=608590769173489

More dick in his personality

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=608738589158707

Giving someone a second chance

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=608864412479458

Eva Gabor Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=609016169130949

Maurice Chevalier Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=609183869114179

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Vikings




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Joke # 2

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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Joke # 3

Dave's blonde wife was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing the checking account.

"The bank returned the check you wrote to the department store," Dave said.

"Good," she replied. "Now I can use it to buy something else."

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn’t take a bath?
A: Stinker Bell.

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Joke # 5

While leading activities for seniors at a nursing home, the coordinator asked her group to complete well-known phrases. For example, I would prompt them with, "Better safe" to which they would respond, "Than sorry."

The game proceeded as expected until I got to the phrase "Make love...[ not war ]."

I had barely gotten out the first two words when a ninety-year-old man shouted from the back, "While you can!"

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Joke # 6

A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number.

He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, could you please tell me what room I am in?"

"Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby."

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Joke # 7

A PGA professional golfer, in an awful car crash, was rushed to the hospital where the surgeon told the pro he had lost his right arm, but that he had good news.

The despondent pro said, "There goes my life, Doc."

"Not necessarily, my good man." answered the doctor. He said that a lady, a very nice Jewish lady, before dying had donated all of her organs and body parts to anyone who was in need. The surgeon said he could transplant the lady's right arm to the pro golfer.

The pro became ecstatic and the operation was a success.

Three months later, the pro visited the doctor to tell him his new hand and arm had him winning tournaments right and left.

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that, Doc, but my handwriting has improved a thousand percent, I've also taken up oil painting and sold my first canvas for $3000.00."

"Unbelievable." said the doctor. "I'm so glad the transplant was such a success."

"But there is one problem." the golf pro said.

"What's that?" asked the surgeon.

"Every time I touch my privates, I get a horrible headache."

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Joke # 8

Q: If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?
A: In Washington, D.C.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

NBC Olympic commentators

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/nbc-olympic-commentators.html

Indian Taxi Driver

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/indian-taxi-driver.html

Great Photos from Mars Landing

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/great-photos-from-mars-landing.html

Interesting Facts about the Aviation Industry

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/interesting-facts-about-aviation.html

Bus Office

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/bus-office.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Making of T-Mobile Dance

http://bit.ly/9K14Xp

Budweiser - Pet Store

http://bit.ly/bd58fV

Water Man

http://bit.ly/91R9nV

Old Folks

http://bit.ly/aLl5pV

Open Beers With A Helicopter

http://bit.ly/cuHR9l

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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iPhone Chargers



I'm this close



Saturday, June 14, 2014

Jokes for Saturday 14th June 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
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SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

F-22 Raptor

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=608587919173774

Shit o'clock

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=608589702506929

That kind of woman

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=608590182506881

No matter how old you both get

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=608590575840175

Natural Selection

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=608590639173502

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Vintage Social Networking




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Joke # 2

A man was admitted to the hospital suffering from premature ejaculation. The doctors said it was touch and go.

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Joke # 3

Two golden agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the thief take a shower?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway!

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Joke # 5

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."

One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."

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Joke # 6

Prior to our wedding, David and I met with the minister to discuss our marriage ceremony and various traditions, such as lighting the unity candle from two individual candles.

Couples usually blow out the two candles as a sign of becoming one. Our minister said that many people were now leaving their individual candles lit to signify independence and personal freedom. He asked if we wanted to extinguish our candles or leave them burning.

After thinking about it, David replied, "How about if we leave mine lit and blow out hers?"

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Joke # 7

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'

'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'

'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conver- sation, said, 'You know you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself. '

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'

'1955, ma'am.'

'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'

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Joke # 8

Q: What does one bucket say to the other?
A: I am feeling pale today.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Charles Darwin

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/charles-darwin.html

John Lennon

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/john-lennon.html

The G Spot

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-g-spot.html

Control Yourself

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/control-yourself.html

I Believe in America

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/08/i-believe-in-america.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Tiger Beer Commercial

http://bit.ly/cu0REr

Sliding Down Hill

http://bit.ly/arNO6M

GM and Shutdowns

http://bit.ly/dwnh5r

Moses & the Ten Commandments

http://bit.ly/bbzinr

Why Women Hate Sports

http://bit.ly/chE7kl

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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