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Thursday, July 31, 2014

Jokes for Thursday 31st July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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Joke # 1

All I want for 2014




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Joke # 2

After the war in Iraq, the plan is to divide Iraq into three parts ... regular, premium, and unleaded.

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Joke # 3

Two friends meet in the street. One says, "Is it true, Isaac, that your mother-in law is ill?"

"Yes."

"In fact, Isaac, I heard that she was in hospital.

""Yes."

"How long has she been in hospital, Isaac?"

Isaac replies, "In 3 weeks time, please G-d, it will be a month."

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Joke # 4

Q: What did the candle say to the other candle?
A: I’m going out tonight!

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Joke # 5

A sheik employed a track star to run from the palace to his harem, which was about three miles away, to fetch one of his wives whenever The wife appeared at the breakfast table in curlers and a worn bathrobe.

The husband looked up from his newspaper and said, "Why can't you look like you did when we were first married?"

"How can I?" she snapped back. "I'm not pregnant!"

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Joke # 6

Not long after his marriage, Ernie Junior and his father Ernie senior, met for lunch. "Well son," asked Ernie senior, "How is married life treating you?"

"Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed junior. "It seems I married a nun."

"A nun?" his father questioned.

"That's right," moaned Ernie junior. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!"

Ernie senior nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times. "Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?"

Young Ernie smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!"

"Fine," replied Ernie senior, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."

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Joke # 7

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He says, "Jack let me tell you something. On my Wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and I said, here try these on." So she did and said, "These just don't fit."

So I replied, "...Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems."

"Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill,

"Here try these on."

So she does and says, "These just won't fit."

So Jacks says,"Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says, "Here you try on mine. So he does and says,

"I can't get into these."

So Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the student eat her homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Hanging Outdoor Pools

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/hanging-outdoor-pools.html

Game Pad

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/game-pad.html

Hangover

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/hangover.html

Waxing

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/waxing.html

Nokia Phone

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/nokia-phone.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Just Chillin

http://bit.ly/hLSjx5

Redneck Roller Coaster

http://bit.ly/9FPgo4

Airplane Toliet

http://bit.ly/a2WqBn

Water and Ink Art

http://bit.ly/nYZh0y

Pinata

http://bit.ly/9tjYqT

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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Jokes for Wednesday 30th July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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Joke # 1

3 items I'm really happy to see after a night of heavy drinking




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Joke # 2

No one should live by the early bird policy without finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm.

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Joke # 3

A Scotsman is on holiday in New York City. It's a balmy spring day and he is wearing a kilt.

A young woman comes up to him and boldly asks him if anything is worn beneath the kilt.

"No lassie" he replies, "everything is in fine working order."

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Joke # 4

Q: What is the difference between a fly and superman?
A: Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!

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Joke # 5

Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger.

The cowboy from Australia says," I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and made it cry like a baby."

The cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, "I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands,"

The cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his penis.

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Joke # 6

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.

Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.

"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze."

Matt replies, "And we weren't?"

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Joke # 7

One misty Scottish morn a man was driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a huge red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is about six foot seven and built like a tank. He has a huge red beard and despite the gale force wind and freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt and his tweed shirt.

At the roadside there also stands a young women. She is absolutely beautiful, slim, shapely, fair complexion ... heart stopping. The car driver's attention is dragged from the girl when the highlander opens his car door and drags him from the seat onto the road.

"Right, you" he shouts, "I want you to masturbate"

"but ... " stammers the driver

"Now ... or I'll bloody kill you"

So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this only takes a few seconds.

"Right" shouts the highlander "Do it again!"

"but ... " says the driver.

"Now!! ... " he bellows.

So the driver does it again.

"Right, do it again" demands the highlander.

This goes on for nearly two hours. The driver has cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, and despite the mist and wind, has collapsed in a sweating jibbering heap on the ground, unable to walk.

"Do it again" says the highlander.

"I just can't do it any more - you'll just have to kill me," whimpers the man.

The highlander looks down at the pathetic heap slumped on the roadside.

"All right," he says, "can you give my daughter a lift to Inverness?"

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Joke # 8

Q: What room can you not go into?
A: A mushroom!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Follow Your Heart

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/follow-your-heart.html

Always Give 100% At Work

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/always-give-100-at-work.html

The Boss

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/boss.html

An Attorney

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/attorney.html

Two elderly ladies

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/two-elderly-ladies.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Little Britain - Meeting the Parents

http://bit.ly/cydbLQ

Fireman Gets Squirted

http://bit.ly/bmDeQo

Disabled Parking

http://bit.ly/b3rHQj

Miss Nightingale

http://bit.ly/aXjwtE

The Mexicans

http://bit.ly/aqspF1

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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Jokes for Tuesday 29th July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Old Saying - New Saying

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=639763416056224

Taylor Swift Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=639922796040286

The tree was there first

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=640031192696113

Throwing in the towel

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=640200316012534

Totally Worth It

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=640354685997097

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

45 Years Old




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Joke # 2

An Englishman shot himself in the groin recently after drinking fifteen pints of beer and stuffing a sawed-off shotgun down his pants. Apparently, the man was under the impression the gun wasn't fully cocked. Now he isn't, either.

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Joke # 3

One day, a boy and his dog greeted the mailman. The mailman said to the boy, "Does your dog bite?

"No," replied the boy.

Just then, the dog bit the mailman.

"Hey, "he yelled. "I thought your dog doesn't bite!"

"He doesn't," replied the boy, "but that's not my dog."

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Joke # 4

Q: What kind of band can’t play music?
A: A rubber band.

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Joke # 5

A police car pulls up in front of grandma's house, and grandpa gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home.

"What!", says grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you get lost?"

Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear, Grandpa whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home."

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Joke # 6

The high school principal has each teacher report class attendance over the intercom. The instructor must state the number of students present by gender, for example, "I have fourteen boys and thirteen girls in attendance."

One day our principal was more than a little miffed at having to remind several teachers of the correct procedure.

He was apparently somewhat forgetful, too, when he checked on the girls' physical education instructor. "I have twenty-seven pupils present, sir," she announced.

"Lady," he replied, shouting through the intercom, "I need sex!"

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Joke # 7

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.

The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What’s 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?
A: The leaning tower of Pizza.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Auto-Correct

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/auto-correct.html

Intelligence

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/intelligence.html

Feet

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/feet.html

Cooking Sucks

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/cooking-sucks.html

Coffee

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/coffee.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Take My Drunk Ass Home

http://bit.ly/aDkHUY

The Easter Bunny

http://bit.ly/ckf4RP

Redneck Sky Diver

http://bit.ly/9bEa5U

Walls Sausages

http://bit.ly/bIAIiq

Skeleton Puppeteer

http://bit.ly/c5ytMQ

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Monday, July 28, 2014

Jokes for Monday 28th July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Evian Water

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=639219206110645

Ignoranus

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=639432816089284

In a London park

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=639505982748634

Jimmy Carter Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=639594646073101

Dear Monday

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=639599616072604

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Any day I don't see or hear anyone




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Joke # 2

Bob Dylan announced he will have a weekly music show on a satellite-radio station. It'll be an hour show, followed by another show that translates what Dylan said in the first hour.

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Joke # 3

Teacher: "Andrew, what is a cannibal?"

Andrew: "Don't know."

Teacher: "Well, if you ate your father and mother, what would you be?"

Andrew: "An orphan, ma'am."

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Joke # 4

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?
A: I dot my i’s on you!

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Joke # 5

An old G.P. and his nurse were on the train, going to a Medical Conference. Opposite them was a man furiously scratching his elbow.

"I wonder what's the matter with him?" asked the nurse.

"He's a patient of mine and, in confidence, I can tell you that he suffers badly from hemorrhoids," replied the G.P.

"Well, why he's scratching his elbow?" asked the puzzled nurse.

"Oh, he's Obama , and he doesn't know his arse from his elbow."

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Joke # 6

A man called 911 and said, "Someone come quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open and a mouse ran down her throat!"

The operator replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth and maybe the mouse will come out. An ambulance is on the way."

When the ambulance arrived, the EMT found the man waving a fish over his wife's mouth.

"What on earth are you doing?" exclaimed the EMT. "Didn't the 911 operator tell you to wave a piece of cheese over your wife's mouth?"

"Yes," the man replied. "But I gotta get the cat out first."

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Joke # 7

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila." Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want, so make me pee tequila."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Mexican gets home, he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like tequila. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like tequila. So he takes a taste and it is the best tequila he has ever tasted. The Mexican yells to his wife, "Consuelo, Consuelo, come quickly."

She comes running down the hall and the Mexican takes another glass out of the cupboard and fills it. He tells her to drink it. It is tequila.

Consuelo is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best tequila she has ever tasted. The two drank and partied all night.

The next night the Mexican comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to fill the two glasses. The result is the same. The tequila is excellent and the couple drinks until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Mexican comes home and tells his wife, "Consuelo, grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink Tequila."

His wife gets the glass from the cupbo and sets it on the table. The Mexican begins to fill the glass; and when he fills it, his wife asks him, "But Pancho, why do we need only one glass?"

Pancho raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, Mi Amor, you drink from the bottle."

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Joke # 8

Q: What kind of table has no legs.
A: A multiplication table.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Viagra and Laxative

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/viagra-and-laxative.html

Lead Me Not Into Temptation

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/lead-me-not-into-temptation.html

Just Because

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/just-because_19.html

If Your Ass Looked Like This

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/if-your-ass-looked-like-this.html

Enemy

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/enemy.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Viagra

http://bit.ly/bDNsDF

Read Before You Sign

http://bit.ly/dtd5gE

Beer Don't Waste A Drop

http://bit.ly/beWdYr

Woodpecker

http://bit.ly/d4aIL1

Insurance

http://bit.ly/dc23YK

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Sunday, July 27, 2014

Jokes for Sunday 27th July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Navy divers being navy divers

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=637649802934252

Bully

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=638940299471869

Butter spreader

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=638996662799566

Anger Management

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=639053352793897

Camo Condom

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=639126762786556

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Men In The Baby Food Department




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Joke # 2

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

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Joke # 3

A man picked up the phone and dialed. When a voice answered, he asked, "Mother, how are you?"

"Fine."

"Sorry, I have the wrong number."

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Joke # 4

Q: What do envelopes say when you lick them?
A: Nothing, it shuts them up!

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Joke # 5

The young mother was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I want you to start taking regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?"

"Oh, yes" the mother answered. "They do wonders for me."

"And how is your son now?" he asked.

She replied, "Who cares ..."

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Joke # 6

A Scotsman went into a phone booth and called a number. Connected, he said, "Mary, my love, will you marry me? Think it over and call me." He gave her the number of the phone in the booth.

Hours went by and the Scotsman stood around. The phone didn't ring once. Another Scot, watching from a pub across the street, came over and said, "Look, lad. She won't marry you. You might as well come in and have a pint. Not that I'm buying, mind you."

The waiting Scot waved off his friend and continued to wait. Suddenly the phone rang. The Scot said, "Mary's the girl for me, I knew that. She was waiting for the night rates!"

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Joke # 7

Back in the Cold War days, Ivan was a diplomat and spy. He was new to the USA and lived in Washington, D.C. for past six months. He soon complained to Boris, his aide, that he needed a woman. Boris dropped off a high-priced hooker at his door the following Saturday night. Ivan plied her with some vodka and caviar. As she took her top, he noticed that her armpits were shaved. He said, pointing top his own pits, "Vomen in the old country have wool - they have wool!"

She responded, "It's customary and fashionable to shave our underarms." They drank more vodka and ate more caviar. She removed her slacks. He noticed that her legs are shaved also. He repeated, "Vomen in the old country have wool - they have wool!"

Once more, she said, "It's customary and fashionable to shave our legs." After more vodka and caviar, he pulled down her panties and saw that her privates were trimmed. He exclaimed again, "Vomen in the old countryhave wool - they have wool!"

She then asked in loud voice, "Look buddy, did you want to screw or knit?"

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Joke # 8

Q: What does the winner of the race lose?
A: His breath.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Gas Prices

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/gas-prices.html

Men Are Like Pantie Hose

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/men-are-like-pantie-hose.html

Who Says

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/who-says.html

Well Behaved Women

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/well-behaved-women.html

The Viking World Tour

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/viking-world-tour.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

More Fishing With Bill Dance

http://bit.ly/bRLYTz

Magic Trick

http://bit.ly/cVRipl

Russian Chopper Accident

http://bit.ly/9Q3ulG

Santa's Crib

http://bit.ly/bSKVXZ

Irn Bru Snowman Advert

http://bit.ly/aHUe4A

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Saturday, July 26, 2014

I want to live my life without stress and worries



Jokes for Saturday 26th July 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Don't you just hate when your boss is riding you?

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=637029426329623

More accurate than any insurance commercial I’ve seen

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=637164922982740

Respect, Honesty, Trust and Loyalty

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=637208582978374

Sorry Timmy

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=637357009630198

Wake up with a good attitude

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=637453486287217

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Joke # 1

As you get older




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Joke # 2

Confucius says man and mouse alike. Both end up in pussy.

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Joke # 3

Waiter to diner: "Our special today is chicken on a bed of wild rice with green beans almandine and a nice side salad."

"That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?"

"We break it to her very gently and tell her it's nothing personal."

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Joke # 4

Q: Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?
A: From 2nd to 3rd because there’s a shortstop in the middle.

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Joke # 5

Tips for Rednecks

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

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Joke # 6

A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44DD'S. A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them.

The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off of her breasts.

This happens a couple more times. The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor moaning and groaning.

"Why do you let the bartender do it?"

"Because he has a licker license!"

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Joke # 7

A preacher was on the program at a district convention to preach for twenty minutes. The other preachers from the district were sitting behind him in the choir section, giving him moral support and throwing in an occasional "Amen" to help the preacher along.

The preacher preached his twenty minutes and continued on despite the allotted time.

He preached for 30 minutes, then forty minutes and then for an hour. He even continued, for a whole hour and ten minutes.

Finally, a brother sitting in the front row took a song book and threw it at the preacher, who was still going strong with his message.

The preacher saw the songbook as it was hurled his way and he ducked. The songbook hit one of the preachers sitting in the choir section.

As the man in the choir section was going down, you could hear him say, "Hit me again, I can still hear him preaching!"

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Joke # 8

Q: There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn’t they get wet?
A: It wasn’t raining!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Reality

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/reality.html

Love Poem

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/love-poem.html

Job Qualifications

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/job-qualifications.html

Idiot

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/idiot.html

Helping Hands

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/helping-hands.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Intervention Test - Triumph Boats

http://bit.ly/blpmiT

Macarena

http://bit.ly/caHs9X

Farting Carol

http://bit.ly/9hFYax

Marriage Proposal

http://bit.ly/bYwpYa

Rocket Birdman

http://bit.ly/b6C25L

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If you ever feel bad about Procrastinating



If you want to know someone's mind



It's all about finding calm in the chaos



Friday, July 25, 2014

It's ok to talk to yourself



It's important to make someone happy



If you are looking to have it your way



If a turtle loses his shell



Jokes for Friday 25th July 2014

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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FAT - FIT

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=633976559968243

Home

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=634040276628538

The difference between dogs and cats

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=634277513271481

Clever Smirnoff Advert

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=636841566348409

I have a suggestion for you

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=636934363005796

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Joke # 1

Always believe something wonderful is going to happen




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Joke # 2

Driver just doesn't give a shit anymore.

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Joke # 3

Wife: "What are you doing?"

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: " Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Husband " I was looking for the expiration date."


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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the cucumber call 911?
A: It was in a pickle!

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Joke # 5

Little Pauly comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and Pauly says, "She knows now...."

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Joke # 6

Bill was chuckling at the bar when his friend Mike joined him. "Women, they think they're so smart," he said with a sly smile, going on to explain that he'd eavesdropped on a phone conversation between his fiancé, Lynn, and her best friend, Amy "She said, 'Bill doesn't know it yet, but the only time I'm putting out is when I want to get pregnant."

At this, Bill doubled over with laughter, and Mike looked at his friend with some consternation, "I'd be mad as a hatter! Why aren't you?" he asked.

"Why get mad?" answered Bill. "She'll never know I've had a vasectomy!"

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Joke # 7

A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody -- it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.

When he had finished, the priest said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."

A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the priest as a donation in thanks for his advice.

The priest recognized the benefactor, and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked.

"Absolutely," replied the businessman.

"You went to the beach?"

"Absolutely."

"You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"

"Absolutely."

"You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"

"Absolutely."

"And what were the first words you saw?"

"Chapter 11."

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Joke # 8

Q: What runs around a yard without moving?
A: A fence.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Confession Box

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/confession-box.html

Winston Churchill Quotes 1

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/winston-churchill-quotes-1.html

Topless Me

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/topless-me.html

Talk To Myself

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/talk-to-myself.html

Redneck Pizza Warmer

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/redneck-pizza-warmer.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

DUI Test

http://bit.ly/bh25R5

Save the Beer

http://bit.ly/atmgG7

In Space

http://bit.ly/btGojC

Amazing Crash Escape

http://bit.ly/iu0zuK

Carrier Landing Gone Wrong

http://bit.ly/crSRUb

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Thursday, July 24, 2014

Jokes for Thursday 24th July 2014

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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Zig Ziglar Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=632888106743755

Butterhenge

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=633164263382806

Difference between cupcakes and muffins

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=633334173365815

Dog Poo Fairy

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=633557810010118

Egyptians at the beach as city burns in the background

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=633653320000567

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Joke # 1

A woman with a beautiful body




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Joke # 2

Gay Man's Motto: "My body is a temple ... With ample parking in the rear."

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Joke # 3

The boss came in and asked the new secretary, "Linda, do you know the difference between a Caesar Salad and a blow job?"

"No," she replied.

"Great! Let's have lunch."

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Joke # 4

Q: What did the boat say to the pier?
A: What’s up, dock?

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Joke # 5

"Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his buddy showed up one day in a snappy new suit. "Where'd you pick 'em up?"

Richard beamed. "My wife got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?"

"I'll say. What was the occasion?"

"Got me," admitted Richard with a cheerful shrug. "I came home from work early the other day and there they were, hanging over the chair in the bedroom."

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Joke # 6

A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctor could not determine the cause of the problem and didn't give him long to live. So, he decided to live it up.

Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen. The clerk said, "Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen."

The man said, "I know my size. I want them in a fourteen."

The clerk shook his head and said, "I'll get them for you, but I want to warn you, if you wear a fourteen you'll gasp all day and your eyes will bulge."

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Joke # 7

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked,

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the drum take a nap?
A: It was beat.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Winston Churchill Quotes 3

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/winston-churchill-quotes-3.html

Winston Churchill Quotes 2

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/winston-churchill-quotes-2.html

My Top 200 Empire Avenue Shareholders

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/my-top-200-empire-avenue-shareholders.html

Tea Bagging

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/tea-bagging.html

Software Terminology

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/software-terminology.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Extra Hot Chicken

http://bit.ly/e3IuVo

Schweaty Balls

http://bit.ly/hNFkWs

Why Women Stay Single

http://bit.ly/cD4Z4R

Sprite Commercial

http://bit.ly/bGFm3A

Tent or Sleeping Bag

http://bit.ly/qnuN6k

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Jokes for Wednesday 23rd July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

When I Want Your Opinion

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=632250206807545

Stevie Wonder Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=632303530135546

U.S. Sarcasm Foundation

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=632434486789117

Single for a while

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=632559136776652

Vampire Teabags

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=632808160085083

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Joke # 1

Old enough




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Joke # 2

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

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Joke # 3

Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them. One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?"

The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!"

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Joke # 4

Q: Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?
A: The batter.

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Joke # 5

David went to the urologist complaining of discharge dripping from his penis, the doctor took one look and told him he had V.D.

"No way," said the shocked David, blushing terribly. "It must be a cold."

"Call it what you like, David," said the doctor. "But, until it sneezes, we'll have to treat it for V.D."

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Joke # 6

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future." Paul readily agreed and the palm reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That's true," said Paul.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing.

Can you tell all of this from the 'love line' on my palm?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses."

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Joke # 7

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why don’t honest people need beds?
A: They don’t lie.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Advantages of a GUN over a WIFE

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/advantages-of-gun-over-wife.html

Dog Lovers

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/dog-lovers.html

Rain in Texas

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/rain-in-texas.html

Winston Churchill Quotes 4

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/winston-churchill-quotes-4.html

My Top 400 Empire Avenue Shareholders

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/my-top-400-empire-avenue-shareholders.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Distraction

http://bit.ly/a8gxd3

Runway

http://bit.ly/cUZou4

Toilet in Space

http://bit.ly/b1q5Hi

Rally Car Rolling

http://bit.ly/cWdKYn

White Whales

http://bit.ly/aK9X2Z

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

How many faces can you see



The world is a book



Only two phrases can change a woman's mood



Repeating the same mistakes in life



The real problem with reality



Jokes for Tuesday 22nd July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Sweet couple

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=631609673538265

Smiley Faces

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=631695636863002

This bridge in Vietnam has a dragon that breathes fire

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=631864666846099

Roger Ebert Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=631999956832570

When Hugh Hefner Dies

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=632092420156657

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Joke # 1

Nothing made you happier




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Joke # 2

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

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Joke # 3


Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped

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Joke # 4

Q: What do lawyers wear in court?
A: Lawsuits.

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Joke # 5

On his wedding night, Maury, very proud of his athletic body, pulled off his shirt and showed his new wife his arms: "Honey, this here's pure dynamite!" She ooo'd appropriately. Then he took off his pants and showed his massive thighs: "Honey, these here's red-hot dynamite." She ooo'd appropriately.

Then he took off his underwear, and she started laughing: "That's a mighty short fuse for so much dynamite."

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Joke # 6

Old man Fielding, the miser, at last went to his reward and presented himself at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted him with appropriate solemnity and escorted him to his new abode. Walking past numerous elegant mansions finally they arrived at a dilapidated shack at the end of the street.

Fielding, much taken aback, began, "Why do I get a rundown shack when all of these others have fine mansions?"

"Well, sir," replied St. Peter, "we did the best we could with the money you sent us."

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Joke # 7

A woman went to a discount store service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "Rub my nipples, rub my nipples." By now a crowd was beginning to gather.

The clerk ran away to get the store manager who asked the lady what was wrong. She explained once again that she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The manager also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "Rub my nipples, rub my nipples."

The crowd was growing larger.

The very embarrassed store manager asked the lady why on earth she was making such a scene and she very demurely replied, "because I like to have my nipples rubbed when I am being screwed."

The crowd exploded in applause; she walked out of the store with a complete refund and a very smug look on her face.

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Joke # 8

Q: Where do soldiers keep their armies?
A: In their Sleevies!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

I Like Work

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/i-like-work.html

Apologizing

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/apologizing.html

Anything

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/anything.html

Graffiti Removal

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/graffiti-removal.html

Push This Button

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/push-this-button.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Hu Is the Leader of China

http://bit.ly/9svYEs

Prince Charles Bachelor Party

http://bit.ly/9H06Ma

Plane Crash

http://bit.ly/cHS85h

It Professional

http://bit.ly/cVE53B

Swinger

http://bit.ly/c7a4oo

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Monday, July 21, 2014

Jokes for Monday 21st July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Sand Sculpture

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=631045820261317

That Moment

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=631118476920718

Today was a good day

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=631258743573358

Welcome to CORNWALL sign

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=631366636895902

Spooning leads to forking

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=631443050221594

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Nobody is ever too busy




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Joke # 2

BAD Cop! No Donut!

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Joke # 3


The three stages of sex in marriage: tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly

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Joke # 4

Q: Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:
A: They are triplets.

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Joke # 5

Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, "My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?"

The second old lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! Why the penis on it was so large!"

Where upon the first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...and cold, too!"

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Joke # 6

One day Danny was doing his homework. He was up to spelling and he needed to spell harassment. His teacher told him to have a parent recite the words so they can practice writing it so Danny looks up to his mother and says, "Mom, how do you spell harassment?"

His mother replies, "You know I can't tell you. Just sound it out."

With that Danny wrote down on the paper. The next day at school Danny's teacher calls him to the front of the class and asks him to use harassment in a sentence. Danny holds his paper up to his face and looks down at number 10. "Her ass meant so much to me."

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Joke # 7

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. Again, the man reaches into his pockets and pulls out the tiny rat and the tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and again proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?
A: Because he was feeling crumby.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Priorities

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/priorities.html

Golf

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/golf.html

Reach The Remote

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/reach-remote.html

The Snake Model

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/snake-model.html

Trucker Speak

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/03/trucker-speak.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Where Do Croissants Come From

http://bit.ly/8X2jqA

Bear Flop

http://bit.ly/ao8Vc5

Jeff Dunham - Classic Hertz Commericial

http://bit.ly/aueciy

Blonde

http://bit.ly/bVVGmE

Batman Porn Video

http://bit.ly/aAWTvj

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Saturday, July 19, 2014

Jokes for Saturday 19th July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Men & Orgasms

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=630005000365399

Be anyone I want to be

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=630076580358241

Coffee

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=630166713682561

Spoiled Children

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=630249040340995

New Shampoo Bottle

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=630379290327970

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Being Unstable




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Joke # 2

A French girl swallowed a pin when she was 10 but didn't feel a prick until she was 16

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Joke # 3

I find it very irritating to be required to press one for English, and then end up speaking to someone in Malaysia or New Delhi.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the tree get a computer?
A: To log on.

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Joke # 5

Judi is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall.The next day, she says to the painter, "Do you want to see where my husband put his hand last night?

"He sighs and says, "Look, lady, I got a tough day's work ahead of me. Why don't you just make us a cup of tea?"

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Joke # 6

An American astronaut has an emergency during his re-entry into earth's atmosphere and his spacecraft crash-lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere.

After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is bandaged from head to foot. He sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he lay in his cot.

"Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear.

"No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yesterdiaay."

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Joke # 7

Two lawyers are stranded on a desert island for several months.

The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided them their only food.

Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming.

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes, there is a woman out there floating in our direction."

The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "You're hallucinating; you've finally lost your mind."

But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a stunning red head, face up, totally naked, unconscious without even so much as a ring or earrings on her person.

The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, indeed she was alive, warm and breathing, but sunburned and needing immediate care and nursing.

As a typical male would, one lawyer said to the other lawyer, "You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time. Do you think we should ... well you know, screw her?"

"Out of WHAT?" asked the second lawyer.

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Joke # 8

Q: What has holes all over and holds water?
A: A sponge!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

How Many Roads

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/how-many-roads.html

Hillbilly 10 Commandments

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/hillbilly-10-commandments.html

Water

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/water.html

How To Please A Woman

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/how-to-please-woman.html

Mount Rushmore

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/mount-rushmore.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

European Parliament #1

http://bit.ly/aSsuJQ

Hooters Boot Camp

http://bit.ly/dzzfTa

Driving Up Steep Slope #1

http://bit.ly/9CONWK

Family Guy - Health Care Center

http://bit.ly/d2YpOP

Speeding Ticket

http://bit.ly/arlqnP

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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Friday, July 18, 2014

Jokes for Friday 18th July 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

J.K Rowling Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=629297713769461

My family is tempermental

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=629369250428974

Grandmas's Necklace

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=629494823749750

Oliver Wendell Holmes Quote

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=629789730386926

Parenting

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=629877013711531

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Daphne Rose Kingma Quote




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Joke # 2

Gettin' married is like getting into a bathtub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

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Joke # 3


What's a shotgun wedding? A case of wife or death!

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Joke # 4

Q: What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?
A: A scale.

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Joke # 5

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A lawyer anxious to get there first could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly,

"Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

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Joke # 6

Manny goes into a restaurant and orders fried haddock. The waiter serves him a nice sized piece of fish. As he's walking away the waiter overhears Manny talking to the fish. Soon Manny is deep in conversation with his lunch. "What on earth are you doing?" says the waiter. "Do you want to eat it or marry it?" Manny replies, "We're just schmoozing. It seems that the fish is from Herne Bay in Kent. I used to live there and I was asking the fish how things are back in my old home town."

"What did he say?" asked the waiter.

"He said, "How should I know? I haven't been there in years!"

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Joke # 7

Shortly after the Pope had apologized to the Jewish People for the treatment of Jews by the Catholic Church over the years, Ariel Sharon, the Prime Minister of Israel, sent a proposal to the College of Cardinals for a friendly game of golf to be played between the two leaders or their representatives to demonstrate the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Catholics and the Jews. The Pope then met with his College of Cardinals to discuss the proposal.

"Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Sharon wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show that you are old and unable to compete. I am afraid that this would tarnish our image in the world."

The Pope thought about this and since he had never held a golf club in his life asked, "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" "None who plays golf very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer, who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, and then ask him to play Mr.Sharon as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of co-operation, we will also win the match." Everyone agreed that this was a great idea. The call was made.

Of course, Nicklaus was honored and he agreed to play as a representative of the Pope.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result.

"I have some good news and some bad news, Your Holiness," said Jack.

"Tell me the good news, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

"Well, Your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I have played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.

"How can there be bad news?" the Pope asked.

Nicklaus sighed, "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by three strokes."

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Joke # 8

Q: Where do computers go to dance?
A: The disk-o!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Truth

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/truth.html

Worrying

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/worrying.html

You Can't Buy Happiness

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/you-cant-buy-happiness.html

You'd Be In Great Shape

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/youd-be-in-great-shape.html

What's Your Blues Name

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/04/whats-your-blues-name.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Christmas Cookies

http://bit.ly/baiJNP

Bellagio Fountain

http://bit.ly/aWVjA1

Mobile Phone at Funeral

http://bit.ly/9FJ6sN

Cool Card Trick

http://bit.ly/cqYrsB

New Fire Extinguisher

http://bit.ly/aRrvVS

More video clips --> http://bit.ly/Vk7wDY

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