Sunday, February 22, 2015

Jokes for Friday 20th February 2015

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Joke # 1

Bill Gates Quote


Joke # 2

"Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places."


Joke # 3

Lucy was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying.

She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me... the whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Lucy. Some people don't even know you."


Joke # 4

Q: Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
A: They were sitting on the deck!


Joke # 5

Two men who haven't seen each other for many years meet on the street. One asks the other how things have been.

Wonderful, for a while, the other says. "I had it all: money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a beautiful woman. Then, one day, poof! It was all gone."

What a shame, the friend says. "What on Earth happened?"

Says the other man: "My wife found out."


Joke # 6

Jodi, a blonde, was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Jodi -- the Blonde."

Jodi then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. Jodi opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"


Joke # 7

A CEO of a large company is seeking advice on whether or not to downsize his company. He turns to his eternally optimistic secretary and asks, "Is this glass half full or half empty?"

Well you know me, she replies, "be thankful for what you have. It's half full!"

He then turns to his eternally pessimistic accountant. "Well, is it half full, or half empty?"

He repeats."Sir, you know my stance. There can always be more... It's half empty to me."

He then turns to the re-engineering consultant sitting next to him. "Well, you can see my dilemma. What do you think?"

The consultant looks at the half full glass of water, and then looks up at the CEO.

Well, looks like you've got more glass there than you need.


Joke # 8

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta


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