Sunday, February 8, 2015

Jokes for Friday 6th February 2015

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Joke # 1

Dear middle finger


Joke # 2

Pauly and Maury were in the bar, and Pauly said, "My wife drives me to drink." Maury said, "You're lucky. I had to get a cab over here."


Joke # 3

I'm confused, Little Johnny admitted to his teacher.

Tell me about it, said his teacher, "and I will try to help you understand."

I went to church last Sunday and they kept telling me to stand up for Jesus, said Little Johnny, "But then I went to the ball game, and everyone kept yelling, 'For Christ's sake, sit down!'"


Joke # 4

Q: Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?
A: Because he was bald!


Joke # 5

Three friends are discussing the topic of death when one of them asks the question, "When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The man who asked the question goes on to say, "I think I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second man answers the question and says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last man ponders a moment and then replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'S MOVING!'"


Joke # 6

On the sixth day, God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create an area of land called The Midwest. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall hills and rolling plains full of game and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and streams full of trout, forests full of deer and turkeys, valleys with fertile soil with an abundance nutrients to grow things, and rivers teeming with fish."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in resources so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Midwesterners, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

But Lord, asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Midwesterners??"

Not really, replied God.. "Just wait and see the winters I am going to give them!"


Joke # 7

Good morning, class, Miss Crabtree said to her third graders as she began the school day. "Everyone get out your homework and pass it forward please."

The students all passed their homework forward. Miss Crabtree collected them and began looking through them.

Little Johnny, where's your homework? she asked.

The dog ate it, Little Johnny replied.

Oh, come on, Little Johnny! Miss Crabtree exclaimed. "You expect me to believe that ridiculous excuse? That was being said when I was in grade school! It's old and tired!"

But it's true, Little Johnny said. "The dog did eat my homework!"

I'm not buying it, Little Johnny, Miss Crabtree said. "Besides, everyone knows dogs don't eat paper!"

Tell me about it, Little Johnny replied. "I had to cover it in peanut butter, hold him down and force-feed it to him before he finally ate it!"


Joke # 8

Q: What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?
A: Where is pop corn?


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