Sunday, February 22, 2015

Jokes for Saturday 21st February 2015

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Joke # 1

The only disability in life


Joke # 2

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite...


Joke # 3

The teacher was trying to impress upon her pupils the importance of doing right at all times, and to bring out the answer, "Bad habits," she inquired: "What is it that we find so easy to get into and so hard to get out of?"

There was silence for a moment and then one little fellow answered. "Bed".


Joke # 4

Q: What is a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister!


Joke # 5

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always gets wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.

So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"

Well, says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."

What if he has an erection? asks one of the women.

Honey, says Sophie, "Who on Earth wants to do laundry on a day like that?"


Joke # 6

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. “I’m the greatest hitter in the world,” he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.

Strike One! he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I’m the greatest hitter in the world!"

He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.

The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I’m the greatest hitter in the world!"

Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"

Wow! he exclaimed. "I’m also the greatest pitcher in the world!"


Joke # 7

Things Not To Say While Visiting A Foreign Country

Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black did a leprechaun crap in it?

Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren't the French just Germans who can make sauces?

Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O's!

Do you hire foreigners to screw in your light bulbs?

Is this bratwurst kosher?

Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?

This wall isn't so great.

Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?

You don't live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?

Was John Wayne gay?


Joke # 8

Q: What kind of shoes do bannanas make?
A: Slippers!


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