Friday, February 13, 2015

Jokes for Sunday 8th February 2015

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Joke # 1

See those little holes


Joke # 2

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.


Joke # 3

A slightly unsure witness to a car crash kept saying things like, "I think the light was yellow," or, "I think it was still raining."

The cross-examining lawyer interrupted, saying derisively, "We don't care what you think. What do you know?"

The harried witness paused for a moment and then replied, "Then I may as well leave the witness stand. Since I'm not a lawyer, I can't talk without thinking."


Joke # 4

Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.


Joke # 5

Jake had proposed to young Gina and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law.

Do you think you are earning enough to support a family? the older man asked the suitor.

Yes, sir, replied Jake, "I'm sure I am."

Think carefully now, said Gina's father.

There are twelve of us ...


Joke # 6

A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam.

She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb.

Could you get a little closer? the examiner asks.

The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner.

Now what?


Joke # 7

One day, four year old Billy was in the bathroom when he noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. He saw a pink box inside the cabinet and read it. He then brought it out and sought out his mother.

Mommy, why are these napkins in the bathroom? he asked. "Don't they belong in the kitchen?"

Not wanting to burden the boy with unnecessary facts and not really knowing what else to say, she said to him, "Those are for 'special occasions,' honey."

Oh, OK, he replied.

Now be a good boy and put these back in the cabinet, OK? she said.

OK, Mommy, Billy replied. He put them back.

A couple weeks later, Thanksgiving Day rolled around.

Mom and Dad were leaving to pick up the uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of the kids while they were gone. Billy's was to set the table. She pulled him aside.

Billy, I would like you to set the dinner table, she said. "Do you know how to do that? Do you remember how I set it?"

Yes, Mommy, Billy assured her. "I know where everything goes."

That's my boy, the mother said, kissing him. "We'll be back in about an hour." They left.

When they returned, the uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter.

Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling as well.

Next came the father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw that each place setting on the table had a "special occasion" napkin next to each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. Billy had even tucked the little tails in so they wouldn't hang off the edge!

Mortified, the mother pulled Billy aside. "Why did you use those napkins?" she asked. "You really shouldn't have done that!"

Billy's response sent all the other adults into fits of laughter: "But Mom, you said they were for special occasions!"


Joke # 8

Q: Why did the spy stay in bed?
A: Because he was under cover.


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