Friday, February 13, 2015

Jokes for Thursday 12th February 2015

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Need a hug

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BOOKGASM

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Darth Vader Condon

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The importance of clarity

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Plutarch #Quote

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Joke # 1

Christopher Columbus Quote




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Joke # 2

I drink in moderation. 'Moderation' is an imaginary place that exists wherever I am.

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Joke # 3

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"

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Joke # 4

Q: What did the peanut say to the walnut?
A: Nothing. Nuts can't talk.

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Joke # 5

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.

Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee."

The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"

Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard.

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Joke # 6

A woman was talking to her friends about her husband who had passed away.

When her husband was on his death bed, and he told her that he had three envelopes in his desk drawer that would "take care" of all of the arrangements. Well, he died shortly thereafter, so the wife opened the drawer and there were 3 envelopes just like he said.

One the first envelope it said "for the casket." There was $5,000.00 in the envelope, so she bought him a very nice casket.

The second envelope said "for the expenses" and had $4,000.00 in it so she paid all the bills from the funeral.

The third envelope said "for the stone" and had $3,000.00 in it. She then held her hand out to her friends and said, "Isn't it Beautiful!!!"

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Joke # 7

Memo from Director General to Manager:
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.
The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director General disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

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Joke # 8

Q: What do you call a young army?
A: Infantry.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Go-Cart Case

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/02/go-cart-case.html

If You Want Happiness

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-you-want-happiness.html

Siberian Rigs

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/02/siberian-rigs.html

Global Warning

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/02/global-warning.html

Redneck Wheels

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/02/redneck-wheels.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Cheating the Traffic Warden

http://bit.ly/bP2SR5

Tank

http://bit.ly/aCKfGC

Dropping Anchor

http://bit.ly/arYSq9

Hercules Flyby

http://bit.ly/byH3Hl

Caught

http://bit.ly/hrD16e


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