Friday, February 13, 2015

Jokes for Wednesday 11th February 2015

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Joke # 1

Albert Einstein Quote


Joke # 2

Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!


Joke # 3

A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Judy, Judy!"

Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Judy.' I'm your mother, you know."

I know, said the child, "but the store is full of mothers."


Joke # 4

Q: What's a royal pardon?
A: It's what the queen says after she burps.


Joke # 5

Grandpa, I'm really proud of you, said the modish young lady.

What's to be proud of? asked the old man.

The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth."

Of course, explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"


Joke # 6

One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked.

His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc.

Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?"

She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!"

As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?"

Without hesitation, she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."


Joke # 7

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.

In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years. He thought that it was a cute way for her to ask him for money for new clothes and other incidentals.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million. She informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex. These holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak.

Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'


Joke # 8

Q: What did the picture say to the wall?
A: I've been framed!


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