Sunday, March 15, 2015

Jokes for Friday 13th March 2015

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Everything is about energy

Drinking coffee out of a clear mug

The Difference Between a Boss and a Leader

Coffee Cup

Nobody texts faster

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Joke # 1

A day without coffee


Joke # 2

Don't honk your horn at the person in front of you, it is dangerous to wake up a sleepwalker.


Joke # 3

The loaded mini-van pulled into the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.

A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork."

The father replied, "I have a system -- no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."


Joke # 4

Q: What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A: A beer and a mop.


Joke # 5

A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of welcome.

The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally her youngest son ran in and announced happily, "Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"

Oh, how nice! exclaimed the mother enthusiastically. "And then what did she do?"

Then she gave it to the policeman. the boy said.


Joke # 6

Three farmers are talking about their apple crop.

The first one says, "I grew an apple so big, when I put it on a chair, the chair broke."

The second one says, "I grew an even bigger apple. When I put it on a table, the table broke."

The third one says, "I grew a pretty big one, too. I put it in a wagon."

The first farmer asks, "Did it break?"

The farmer answers, "No, a worm got out of it and ate the horse!"


Joke # 7

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"

No, I stopped drinking years ago, the bum said.

Will you use it to gamble?

I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive.

Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?

Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!

The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."

The man replied, "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf."


Joke # 8

Q: What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
A: Once were worriers.


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