Monday, March 30, 2015

Jokes for Friday 20th March 2015

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Reading to children

On Shanghai Tower

The Outernet

Albert Einstein #Quote

No matter how you feel

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Joke # 1

The smarter you get the less you speak


Joke # 2

We discern a clever man by his answers and a wise one by his questions.


Joke # 3

A man is bragging about his new hearing aid. "It's the best I've ever had," he says. "It cost $3,000."

His friend asks, "What kind is it?"

He says, "Half past four!"


Joke # 4

Q: Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
A: Because there was a face off in the corner.


Joke # 5

So this guy took his wife on a fishing trip, and she did everything wrong.

First, she kept talking out loud; everybody know that scares the fish away!

Then she used the wrong bait.

And then she was reeling in the line too soon.

But worst of all, she caught a lot more fish than he did!


Joke # 6

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel.

The new bride is concerned and asked, "What if the place is still bugged?"

The groom says "Hmm ... Good point. I'll look for a bug."

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug ... "AHA!" he shouts!

Sure enough, under the rug was a small disc shaped plate, with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the plate out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"

Curious, the groom says, "And why, sir, are you asking me all of these questions?"

The hotel manager says "Well, the room UNDER yours complained of the chandelier falling on them!"


Joke # 7

A Mother's Vocabulary


Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again.


One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.


The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.


The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.


What you call your child when you're mad at him.


The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.


What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.


A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.


How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.


The first word spoken by children with older siblings.


A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry clothes into it.


A child who is more talented than yours.


What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.


Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.


When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.


Able to whine in words.


None of the kids that live in your house..


When Dad gets to play golf while Mom catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, etc.


Joke # 8

Q: What's a Lepers favorite sport?
A: Football.


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