Monday, March 30, 2015

Jokes for Friday 27th March 2015

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Joke # 1

The first step


Joke # 2

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.


Joke # 3

A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted.

When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried, "Daddy, where's Mommy?"


Joke # 4

Q: What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can't?
A: Cum in five different flavours.


Joke # 5

A young pastor was invited to speak at a conference in which there were multiple speakers. He was honored at the opportunity to speak and felt that this would be his first real break for recognition outside the confines of his own congregation.

At the beginning of the conference the auditorium was packed. During the course of the event, the crowds dwindled, and when it was his turn to speak, there was only one man left. Nonetheless, the preacher had come to preach, and preach he did. At the conclusion of his sermon, he walked down and thanked the man for coming to listen to his sermon.

Oh, said the man, "I didn't come to hear you speak; I'm the final speaker."


Joke # 6

Katelyn asked her mother Dawn if she had a tablet or a cell phone when she was a kid.

Dawn told her no.

Katelyn was shocked. She asked, "What did you do all day?"

Dawn told her that they played outside. "During the summer, Mom would send us out of the house after breakfast," she said. "We had to be home for lunch. After lunch, we went to play outside again and we had to be home before it got dark."

Katelyn responded, "I need to have a talk with Grandma. You won't even let me walk to Leandra's house by myself and she is real close (three houses away). You need to loosen up, Mom."


Joke # 7

Advertising Terms Explained

NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as anything!

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it


Joke # 8

Q: Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
A: The Tooth Fairy


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