Friday, March 6, 2015

Jokes for Friday 6th March 2015

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Joke # 1

Find peace


Joke # 2

"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one."


Joke # 3

Pauly: "Maury, what do you think of bathing beauties?"

Maury: "I don't know -- I've never bathed any."


Joke # 4

Q: Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.


Joke # 5

A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future.

He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you on this lovely day?"

I'm the Class of 2001, just graduated from Harvard and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me.

The driver looks back to shake the young man's hand and says, "Congratulations, I'm Mitch Class of 1969."


Joke # 6

A woman was working in her yard with the weed whacker, when she accidentally cut off the tail of her cat.

She ran screaming into the house, and told her husband, wondering what to do.

He replied calmly, "Get the cat, and the tail, and we'll take them to Wal-Mart."

She was incredulous. "How could that possibly help?" she asked.

Well, he replied, "they're the world's largest retailer."


Joke # 7

One day a boy saw a farmer selling a donkey for $100.00. The boy told the farmer he would pay the money if the farmer could deliver it to his house. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day but when he arrived at the boy's house there was no donkey.

He told the boy that the donkey died during the night. Saddened, the boy asked for his money back. "I'm afraid I have already spent the money." the farmer said.

Well, then just give me the donkey. said the boy. "

What are you going to do with a dead donkey?" asked the farmer. The boy told the farmer he would think of something, so the farmer delivered the donkey the next day.

The next month the farmer saw the boy and asked him what he ever did with the donkey. "I made $895.00 off of that thing." the boy said.

How could you make that much money off of a dead donkey? the farmer wanted to know.

The boy said, "I didn't tell anyone he was dead at first. I just put up signs around town that said I was going to raffle off a beautiful donkey for raffle tickets that cost $5.00 and I sold 200 tickets."

Wait a minute, said the farmer, "you said you made $895.00 but if you sold 200 tickets at $5.00 each that's $1,000.00. After you subtract the $100.00 you paid me you should have made $900.00,"

You're right, said the boy, "But when the winner found out the donkey was dead he was a little upset so I gave him his money back."


Joke # 8

Q: Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A: He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.


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