Monday, March 30, 2015

Jokes for Monday 30th March 2015

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Joke # 1

I got so drunk last night


Joke # 2

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. (Law of Coffee)


Joke # 3

Doctor: - Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst!

Wife: - Oh God, will he die?

Doctor:- No. He will not be allowed to drink any beer!


Joke # 4

Q: Why did the blonde keep putting quarters in the soda vending machine?
A: Because she thought she was winning.


Joke # 5

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."

Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.

He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."


Joke # 6

How was your golf game, dear? asked Jack's wife Jill.

Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went.

But you're seventy-five years old, Jack! admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Peter along?"

But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore, protested Jack.

But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball, Jill pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Peter looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.

Yup, Peter answered.

Well, where is it? yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

I forgot.


Joke # 7

There was a religious woman who had to do a lot of traveling for her business. Flying made her very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her.

One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing.

After a while, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"

The woman replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."

He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"

She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."

He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"

The woman said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him."

What if he isn't in heaven? the man asked sarcastically.

Then you can ask him, replied the woman.


Joke # 8

Q: Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies?
A: Under 17 not admitted!


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