Friday, March 6, 2015

Jokes for Saturday 28th February 2015

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Go jog fatass

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Don Miguel-Ruiz #Quote

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Being Unstable

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This is the beginning

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Joke # 1

Cuddling




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Joke # 2

In the space age, man will be able to go around the world in two hours - one hour for flying and one hour to get to the airport.

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Joke # 3

WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?! The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded.

Madam, said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY". There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, ....

Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either.

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Joke # 4

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

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Joke # 5

Muldoon lived alone in an Irish country side with only a pet dog. for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead, Could ya' be saying a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think. $5000 is enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya' tell me the dog is Catholic?"

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Joke # 6

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church, looking at a large plaque that hung there. After the young man of seven had stood there for some time, the pastor walked up beside him and said quietly,

Good morning, son.

Good morning, Pastor, replied the youngster, not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Can I ask you, Sir, what is this for? Why are all these names listed on here?"

Well, son, these are all the people who have died in the service, replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together, staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one, Sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"

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Joke # 7

An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, "I have no room for your bike in my car, but I'd like to help you in some way seeing you standing here in the hot sun." After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, "I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I'll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I'll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I'll slow down."

The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the road, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning "you want a drag?" Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn't catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the road to intercept.

Car number 2, this is car number 1.

Go head number 1, what'cha got for me?

I got red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus; can you intercept?

Ten-four, Is there anything else?

Yeah, you wouldn't believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass.

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Joke # 8

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Top 10 Reasons You Need a Vacation from your Dogs

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/01/top-10-reasons-you-need-vacation-from.html

10 Reasons to go to work naked

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/01/10-reasons-to-go-to-work-naked.html

Rules To Determine If Sex Counts

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/01/rules-to-determine-if-sex-counts.html

Best Friend

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/01/best-friend.html

Military Paintings

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2011/01/military-paintings.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

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Insanity On Wheels

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Incredible Climber

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Budweiser - Diamonds

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Farting in A Womens Toilet

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