Monday, March 30, 2015

Jokes for Saturday 28th March 2015

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Damn Right

Andre Gide #Quote

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen

Three horrible facts

Of course I love you

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Joke # 1

Inner Peace


Joke # 2

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.


Joke # 3

The teacher was giving a lesson on verb tenses to her second-grade class, explaining the past, present, and future tenses.

The past is what has already happened, such as eating your breakfast and morning recess, she explained. "The present is right now; what's happening at this moment. The next tense is about what's going to happen. Does anyone know what we call what's going to happen next?"

I know said one boy. "Lunch!"


Joke # 4

Q: Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
A: Yeah. They're going to call it FED UP!


Joke # 5

How was your blind date? a college student asked her roommate.

Terrible! the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?

He was the original owner.


Joke # 6

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.




His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied,

No, but Grandma is!


Joke # 7

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian,

Why didn't you sweep any of it?

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either."

The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...

Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells . . .



Joke # 8

Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A: The car salesman can probably drive!


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