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Sunday, March 15, 2015

Jokes for Saturday 7th March 2015

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Three simple rules in life

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John C. Maxwell #Quote

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I'm going to stand outside

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Plato #Quote

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Cat Hair

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Joke # 1

Ralph Waldo Emerson Quote




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Joke # 2

What do you call a prostitute with her hand in her panties? Self employed.

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Joke # 3

As John and Jill parked in a crowded lovers lane, Jill sighed romantically: "Its lovely out here tonight just listen to the crickets."

Those aren't crickets, John replied. "They're zippers."

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Joke # 4

Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.

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Joke # 5

Nurse to patient: "Are you on any special diets?"

Yes, I drink Slim-Fast twice a day, but it's not working. In fact, I've gained several pounds.

Really? Do you think that skipping meals to drink a shake makes you so hungry that you overeat later?

What do you mean, 'skipping meals'?

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Joke # 6

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled.

No one answered.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

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Joke # 7

An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, "I have no room for your bike in my car, but I'd like to help you in some way seeing you standing here in the hot sun." After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, "I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I'll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I'll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I'll slow down."

The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the road, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning "you want a drag?" Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn't catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the road to intercept.

Car number 2, this is car number 1.

Go head number 1, what'cha got for me?

I got red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus; can you intercept?

Ten-four, Is there anything else?

Yeah, you wouldn't believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass.

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Joke # 8

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Word/name association

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/wordname-association.html

Winter Festival in China

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/winter-festival-in-china.html

What's a blowjob?

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/whats-blowjob.html

New Bride

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/new-bride.html

Penguin

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/penguin.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

David Copperfield Wows the Crowd

http://bit.ly/9gWgmh

Hows My Driving

http://bit.ly/dAIaK4

Budweiser - Beer Camera

http://bit.ly/bmXjpF

Dont Pass Out Drunk

http://bit.ly/cR9NcI

Do Not Judge Too Quickly #1

http://bit.ly/9IGjLv


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