Sunday, March 15, 2015

Jokes for Sunday 15th March 2015

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Joke # 1

The best way to strengthen your chold's immune system


Joke # 2

Be ye fishers of men: You catch 'em, He'll clean 'em.


Joke # 3

A mother found a condom in daughter's private chest. She faced the daughter in anger and asked the explanation.

Daughter asked back, "Mom, what do you expect me to do, be pregnant."


Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A: Clever Dick


Joke # 5

A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation.

His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn't help. Her son's memory was blank.

Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world."

The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."


Joke # 6

A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. He names the dog Einstein and trains Einstein to do a couple of tricks. He can't wait to show Einstein off to his neighbor. A few weeks later when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls Einstein into the house, bragging about how smart he is.

The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation. The guy points to the newspaper on the couch and commands "Fetch!" Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits, his tail wagging furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile disappears. He starts to frown and puts on a sour face. Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy, wagging my tail all the time? Oy vey ... And you think it's easy eating that junk that you call designer dog food? Forget it ... it's too salty and it gives me gas. It's disgusting I tell you!"

The neighbor is absolutely amazed ... stunned. In astonishment, he says, "I can't believe it. Einstein can speak. Your dog actually talks. You asked him to fetch the newspaper and he is sitting on the sofa talking to us."

I know, I know, says the dog owner. "He's not yet fully trained. He thought I said kvetch."


Joke # 7

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor.

The nurse walked in and walked over to the first man. "Congratulations sir! You're the father of twins!" she announced.

What a coincidence! the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"

The nurse returned a while later and approached the second man, "You sir, are the father of triplets!" she said.

Wow! That's also a coincidence! he replied. "I work for the 3M Corporation. Ha! A baby for each 'M'! Isn't that something?"

Half an hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time she turned to the third man who had been quitely sitting in the corner. "Congratulations, sir, you are now the father of quadruplets!" she said.

Stunned, the man could barely reply.

Don't tell me! Another coincidence? asked the nurse.

Yes, the man said after regaining his composure. "I can't believe it. I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"

A moment later there was a loud banging sound across the room. It was the fourth man banging his head against the wall.

The nurse rushed over to him. "What's the matter?" she asked.

The man groaned, "I should have never taken the job at 7-Eleven!"


Joke # 8

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A: The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.


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